Was Marc pretending? I asked myself after returning to our apartment or was he merely blocking out certain memories because he preferred not to remember them?   It was impossible, I admitted reluctantly that he was hoping that he could Wipeout the past. He might believe that if he could get me to see him often enough, I would gradually forget what had happened. And it was coming through just like he wanted. Wasn't I getting a little soft-hearted towards him? I thought admitting it myself. I must remind myself of the anger that I had for Marc and it shot up like Mercury inside me. If he was pretending he was a lying swine, I thought furiously. I told myself the tenth time that day that I will not go and visit him I would stay away from him from now on and tell Cathy that the game was over. But in the end, I went ridiculing myself for my weakness arguing with myself every inch of the way to the hospital. Even as I stood outside his room I hesitated. I was several hours late from the time I usually came. I still had a chance to turn around and walk away. But my legs won't move back. Then I stood there and heard a strange sound within the room, it was a soft groan. He was in pain. At once I opened the door my eyes moved towards the bed, where I saw his head down, the curls thicker and more lustrous every day as they grew, buried in the pillow, my heart started beating. He did not move, his face hidden from me. I came across the room to him touching his shoulder and whispering, “Marc what is it? what's wrong with you ?” I asked softly. He lay still for a moment then his face still buried he whispered unsteadily, “Nothing my head ... It's aching very badly. I think it will explode.” I sat down near him stroking the short curls and massaging his nape. “If it is hurting, I'll go and get a nurse, how bad is it? “ “Better now,” he said huskily, and I felt the muscle in his neck relax under my caressing fingers. “Keep doing that.” My fingers were hidden under the black hair pressuring gently into his scalp and after a while, he breathed deeply.” That feels so good you have healing hands, Carmen. ” For a moment I sat down there and tenderly massaged his head then I drew my hand away a flush mounting on my cheeks, as I realized what I was doing, how I was feeling. All my genuine intentions had vanished. How could I confront him after this? I am doomed. He stared at me for a moment then he lifted my chin and said. “You are late today. I thought you weren’t coming.” I looked down my lashes flickering against my cheeks and said. “I slept quite late, so had problems waking up in the morning.” He immediately took my hand and kissed it and said. “Carmen you should not pressurize yourself. I am fine, so you should focus on your health, as you look very weak. And I don't want my wife to fall sick because of me.” The way he said "Wife" played like a piece of music in my ears for a second but what he said next ruined my mood. Then he looked down and his fingers were playing with the bed cover as he said. “Are you seeing much of that Taylor these days?” I drew my breath sharply and looked up eyes penetrating. “No, I haven't seen him for a long time,” I said truthfully staring back at him and trying to read his mind. Did he remember something? He looked away without answering me, his face was tired and pale, and my heart moved inside me as I watch the weary lines of it. “You are tired I better go and let you sleep,” I said trying to move away. He put his hand out took mine, held it tightly and said. “Stay for a little while.” And it was not a request but a command his voice held certain harshness in it. I could feel it. “I was told by the doctor not to make long journeys, so we will not be able to go to Seychelles and mom has made all the arrangements for us to go Piemonte.” He said suddenly as they sat there in silence. “Marc. “I said huskily opening my mouth to tell him that I won't be staying with him for too long, as I could not go on with this pretense. And need to go back to my son. “You don't have to worry about anything Carmen the nurse will be with us, so you just need to stay beside me.” He said breaking in between my words. “I expect they will keep me in strict supervision anyway, they don't seem keen for me to go home but I've had enough of this room. I want to get out of this hospital’s atmosphere, and relax in my surrounding.” He sighed heavily. “I am so sick of the hospital rooms Carmen. I am certain that I will get back to normal quicker in Piemonte than anywhere else with you beside me." “Is the nurse one of those who has been looking after you? I asked He laughed a little and said. “No, they got her from an outside agency. The girl came here this morning to talk it over with my doctors.” His dark eyes glinted provocatively at me, a smile on his mouth. “Wait until you see her, I never knew nurses could look like that. “ “Like what?” I asked and I knew I was jealous, as I felt a strange sensation inside my stomach. “She was blonde-headed.” He said grinning. “With a figure like a model. I'll have to watch my pulse with her around me.” My eyes were bright and glittering dangerously and he looked amused his eyes flickering over my angry face. But strangely this teasing lightened my mood. For sure if he remembered the past he would not tell her like that deliberately, because it had been quite deliberate the triumphant enjoyment in his eyes which told me as much at the beginning of our relationship. He had sometimes teased me in just such a way, liking to see me fly into range at his proactive remarks. I could not believe he would do so now if he remembered Bella and our separation. It was too painful for him to joke about such things as it would make him deal with his infidelity. And even if I want to I can't make him remember about it as I don't want to cause him trouble. What if something went wrong after my outburst? When I left him fifteen minutes later, I was out of the hospital and walking down the street but I knew I was weakening, tempted by the idea of being alone with him at the Villa there. I walked for an hour in the warm weather outside my thoughts too tangled for me to be able to unravel them honestly. Watching the streets with an absence, when I passed over shops pedestals cars, and buses and never saw them. I stood by and faced the facts grimly. I wanted to go. Offered me a mixture of heaven and hell, but I was very tempted to accept it because his amnesia was a face-saving excuse for doing just what I wanted to do for these weeks has shown me only too early that his absence hurt more than his past cruelty to me. Pride might dictate that I get out of his life and never see him again but hungry for obsessive love demanded the opposite. In the beginning, when I was in the jealous range after I discovered him with Bella, I wanted to hit back at him by taking a lover myself to show him that I did not care,, to staunch the knife wound in my flesh with an act of revenge. And I would have accomplished this if I would have let Balde carry on with what he was doing. But thankfully I had stopped myself but it was too late as Marc thought otherwise. It had been a crazy impulse. Only my innate sense of pride had deterred me from it. Once or twice indeed I had gone as far as flirting with some casual stranger but each time I retreated before the filtration become anything more as I was pregnant with Tio. After he was born my needs became secondary. As I did not want to indulge in any kind of relationship which would cause discomfort for my son. The memory of sensual pleasure in Marc's arms had diminished painfully. When I found Don, I had not expected even a dim shadow of that passion, I had once known, unable in fact to offer it to him however I tried. My affection for him had been deep and loving but it had been lukewarm compared with the fierce engagement of the senses which I had achieved with Marc. I felt guilty and at the same time tried to make our relationship work. It came back in the end to a clear-cut decision, as to whether I believed that Marc had lost his memory and whether in that case, I could bear to spend a few weeks with him in Piemonte, under such circumstances. And most importantly I have to think about our son who is in London. Aunt Beth was there to take care of him but he needed his mother more I was being selfish for once, as I wanted to spend a few more days with Marc so that I can go back home with satisfaction. After all, when we get our divorce we won't have any contact with each other.