Chapter 19
Matthew took Paisley to a high-end community in Plido District.
His house was not that big, simply with two bedrooms and a living room. It was just right for a person to live in. The furniture was all new and it seemed like it was decorated not long ago. Paisley walked into the house after changing into slippers. Matthew took off his coat, hung it on the hanger, pointed at a bedroom, and said, "Paise, you may sleep in this room tonight."
Paisley could tell it was a master bedroom with a glance. A big bed covered with a man's bed sheet was in the bedroom. Paisley took a glance. She didn't speak, nor did she walk in.
Matthew found she was still standing at the door when he walked out of the kitchen with a glass of water. He smiled and asked, "What's the matter? Are you afraid of me? Rest assured. I won't do anything to you."
Smiling, he stroked Paisley's hair in a very natural and intimate manner.
Paisley turned her head to dodge his hand and looked up at him. The young man under the bright light was wearing an expensive shirt with his collar unbuttoned. His sleeves were rolled up and there was slime on his face. His charming eyes looked unfathomable and he was staring at her passionately. He looked young and handsome, yet the slippers he wore made him look extremely gentle and harmless.
Nonetheless, Paisley thought she couldn't see him through. In the past, though Matthew always had a frivolous smile, his eyes were clear and bright. When he smiled, his eyes would curve and he would always fixate his gaze on her. But now, Matthew was like a lazy lion. He looked so graceful and gentle that people would forget that he was a ferocious animal. He was no longer a "funny Huskie" as described by her friends; he had changed into a real lion king.
Matthew was also looking at Paisley when the latter was studying him. He hadn't seen her at such a close distance for three years.
Paisley still looked too thin, and she looked even thinner after taking off her overcoat and scarf. The figure-fitting woolen dress was a bit big for her, but her back was very straight and her eyes looked indifferent. When he first got to know her, he didn't think she was an indifferent person. He just felt her aloof as Paisley used to keep a distance from others. But now the indifference was hidden in her eyes.
She must have suffered a lot over the past three years too.
With this thought, Matthew pulled her into the bedroom and pressed her shoulders to force her to sit on the bed, saying, "Sit down."
He walked out of the bedroom after that. After a short while, he went in with a basin of hot water and squatted down to help Paisley have a foot bath.
He took off her stockings and then put her feet into the hot water. The temperature of the water was a bit high, but after getting accustomed to it, Paisley felt a gush of warmth from the soles of her feet and this made her inexplicably comfortable. Matthew waffled, "It's cold, right? You'll feel better after having a foot bath."
He did it so naturally as if they hadn't been separated for three years and were still an inharmonious couple. They even looked a bit like a married couple now. Paisley gazed at him and asked in a low voice, "How did you get my domicile?"
She didn't believe it was a coincidence. She didn't even meet her father once when they lived in adjacent communities before, not to mention that Matthew was living in the Houis District while she was in the Plido District. It would take her two hours to commute between the two districts at usual times.
Matthew raised his head. With a pair of clear eyes, he said meaningfully, "Paise, you've forgotten me, but I remember you clearly."
He then bowed his head to wipe Paisley's feet and murmured, "How would I be ignorant of your domicile?"
Paisley didn't reply. She had many questions, like when he was discharged from prison, if he had suffered during the three years, and if he had led a good life, but she found anyone else except for her was eligible to be concerned about Matthew. However, when Matthew stood up and was about to take the basin out, Paisley couldn't restrain herself anymore and asked, "Do you quit smoking?"
"Yep. I quit smoking." Matthew nodded. Then he said calmly, "There was no cigarette in the prison."
This sentence unfolded his unpleasant past before her.
Paisley subconsciously clenched the bed sheet. After a long while, she looked up at him and asked, "Matthew, do you hate me?"
It seemed like Matthew was dumbfounded by her question. They were only inches away. It seemed like they were very close, but they also appeared to be so distant. Paisley's voice was gentle, but her question seemed to bear a great burden. After a long while, he finally answered with a nod, "Of course, I hate you."
He put the basin aside, slowly walked to her, and said, stressing each syllable, "I hate you because you still lead an unhappy life after dumping me."
"I hate you. How can I not hate you?" He said these words through gritted teeth.
He had left the prison for about a year and he also constantly got news about her when he was in the prison.
When Dawson visited him, he begged him to tell him about her situation. Dawson was not a talkative person. He only told him that she stayed in Oakwood and found a job instead of going to school. He asked Dawson if she was living a happy life, but Dawson didn't reply and just told him that only she herself knew if she was happy.
He felt lost and didn't raise any other questions. With his head bowed, he seemed to be pondering about something. The first thing he did after leaving the prison was to find her. Following her from a distance, he watched her taking a crowded bus, being scolded by her clients, and going home after work. She hustled and bustled, just like other people in this city.
In the past year, he would come to see her when he was free. For many times he had an impulse to walk to her, but he didn't.
His Paise had changed. She refused anyone to walk into her heart and her eyes looked indifferent without any emotions in them. She would greet her acquaintances politely and joked with her clients when she took part in parties held by her company. But she would only stop here. She was not happy, never ever.
He had thought a lot when he was in prison, like how her life would be. She was such an arrogant person that she left with her head raised at that time, saying that someone would love her. But what was the result? She walked alone in the storm in New Year's Eve.
Matthew walked to Paisley, stood before her, and said with pain in his unfathomable eyes, "I hate my Paise because she still possesses nothing and is still so unhappy after leaving me.
"However," he squatted down, looked at Paisley very softly, and continued, "Rest assured because I'm back."
He stroked Paisley's long hair and said, "You must be so tired. Have a sleep. I have everything here."
He then walked out with the basin of water and closed the door for her.
Paisley looked around the bedroom and found he was telling the truth - he had everything here. She changed into pajamas. It was almost twelve o'clock and the New Year would come in five minutes. She drew back the curtains and found people had already begun to play fireworks outside. The dazzling, colorful fireworks illuminated the dark sky and tinged the snowflakes, making them look colorful.
"It's really lively." Paisley thought to herself. After watching the fireworks for a while, she turned off the light and got into the bed, only leaving the bedside lamp lit.
The bed was very soft and was much more comfortable than the single bed in the room she rented. Paisley thought she would become sleepless in an unfamiliar bed, but his faint scent remaining on the bed sheet enveloped her like his warm embrace when she kept her eyes opened, and she subconsciously fell asleep. She didn't want to think about anything. She had been so tired over the three years, so just let her indulge herself for a night.
Matthew was watching fireworks on the other side of the balcony. Indeed, he was not watching fireworks, but his phone.
On the screen was the surveillance video of the bedroom. Paisley had fallen asleep tiredly and was now lying on the bed peacefully.
Matthew looked at her quietly, his eyes gradually getting red.
It had been three years, or precisely more than a thousand days and nights. He wished so much to rush into the bedroom and kiss her. Even simply sitting beside the bed, holding her hand, and looking at her sleeping face would make him satisfied. He wished so much to do so. He thought he would be very gentle and she wouldn't find it.
But he couldn't because it would scare her. Matthew suppressed his turbulent desires. He softly stroked her face on the screen and landed a kiss on it gently. He said inwardly, "Paise, we have ample time ahead."
He entered the living room and then withdrew the curtains, shutting the fireworks outside of his house. He didn't want these flashing lights.
Then he turned off the lights and sat down on the sofa. Only the faint light from the screen was accompanying him in the dark. Half of his face was illuminated and the other half was hidden in the dark.
The sky was bright when Paisley woke up.
The snow had stopped. It didn't snow too heavily last night and cleaners who got up earlier had cleaned the snow, revealing the original landscape of the city. Paisley looked out of the window for a while. Then she sat up as she should leave now. When she opened the door, she found Matthew sitting on the sofa with an unfathomable expression. It seemed like he was pondering something. Spotting Paisley, he stood up and said, "Wake up?"
Paisley found his eyes bloodshot when he raised his head.
Finding that he was still wearing the clothes he wore yesterday, Paisley asked in a soft voice, "Didn't you sleep last night?"
"Yep," Matthew replied with a nod and continued, "I was sleepless. I was thinking about what we should do next the whole night."
He used the word "we", which shocked Paisley. She abandoned herself to indulgence last night. But it was bright daytime now and they were standing opposite each other and she could see everything clearly. She sent him to prison and failed to protect their child. What else could happen between her and Matthew? Their relationship had come to an end three years ago.
Paisley took her overcoat and said, "I have to leave now. Thank you..."
Before she could finish her words, Matthew pressed her hand and said, "Don't hurry. Let's talk about it after having breakfast."
The breakfast had been ready. He didn't sleep last night and prepared breakfast early in the morning. He prepared oatmeal with yogurt and berries, which was what Paisley liked. By the way, he learned to cook for her back then. Paisley hadn't sat at the table to have a real breakfast for a long time because she lived too far away from her company and thus, she had to get up early to catch the bus. The breakfast tasted delicious, but none of them have a good appetite. The gap between them was not only the separation of three years but also their past which could not be wiped away.
During the meal, Matthew fixed his eyes on Paisley, seeming to be thinking about something. She ate slowly with her head lowered and her eyes looked a bit red. She didn't look at him, nor did she speak. She was still so stubborn. She was always like this, not yielding to either soft or hard tactics. Matthew sighed in his heart and called her in a gentle voice, "Paise."
But when Paisley looked up at him, he shook his head and said, "Nothing. I just want to call your name."
He thought of something and chuckled. "It's really happy to see you in the morning," said he.
He smiled foolishly and his smile seemed to bring time back to their youthhood. At that time, he would wait downstairs of her dormitory, smile at her when seeing her, and said the same words like "I feel so happy to see you."
Paisley didn't speak and just looked down silently. Indeed, she also felt happy when seeing him, both in the past and now.
After breakfast, Paisley took her overcoat. This time, Matthew didn't stop her. He sent her back.
After driving for a distance, Paisley sensed something wrong. Though she somehow had no sense of direction, she could recognize that it was the road to the Houis District.
She looked at Mathew in confusion and asked, "Did we take the wrong road?"
"Nah," Matthew titled his head and said to Paisley, "We'll go to a place where we can forget everything and restart."
"Is there such a place in the world?" Paisley asked with a chuckle.
Matthew replied confidently, "There is." He gazed at Paisley and continued in a serious voice, "Paise, as long as you can leave with me and as long as we can continue to walk forward, we'll throw the past behind."
"Is it true? Can we have a future in this way?" Paisley asked herself inwardly.
Could their debt-ridden and dying love be rescued?
Paisley had no idea of it. But she didn't refuse it when Matthew held her hand after getting out of the car. She even slightly curled her fingers.
Matthew took Paisley to Snowfall, a place that frequently had snowfalls.
As soon as they got off the plane, Paisley realized why Matthew chose to come here. Nothing could help forget the past better than the white snow. The whole world was covered with white snow and the embarrassment, grudges, and hatred of the past were all buried. Matthew tried to find a place to bury their past so that they could restart.
When Matthew put a thick cotton-padded jacket on Paisley, the latter gazed at his frozen, red ears and said as she couldn't restrain herself anymore, "You're so childish."
No wonder there was a saying that men would only grow older, not maturer. Did he think they could completely forget the past in this way?
Matthew smiled softly, held her hand, and led her forward, saying, "You gotta like it."
Actually, Paisley loved this place. Of the four seasons, she disliked winter the most because she was weak and her hands would become so cold whenever winter came. However, she loved snow very much, minor or heavy. She felt happy when coming to this place in which she could see the white world covered with snow whenever she opened her eyes. She felt as if she was in a fictitious land of peace.
The snow in Plence or Oakwood was incomparable to the snow in the North. A thick layer of snow had covered the earth and when they stepped on it, they felt as if they were stepping on marshmallows and their feet would sink into the snow. Both of them were wrapped in thick clothes and Matthew led Paisley forward, leaving deep and shallow footprints on the snowfield.
"Where are we going?" Paisley blew white breath steams when she spoke.
"Paise, do you trust me?" Matthew turned around and asked.
Paisley pondered for a while and replied, "I trust you."
Matthew chuckled and held her hand tightly, saying, "Then follow me."
He took her to a small log cabin. The cabin was almost buried under the snow and the surroundings were uninhabited. The small log cabin covered with red paint was very conspicuous in the snowfield. The white and red colors made a striking contrast, making Paisley's eyes light up. It was just a small, crude house on the surface, but when Paisley stepped in, she found it amazing. She was greeted by warm heat when she stepped into the house and it dissipated her coldness.
Paisley changed her shoes after entering the house and looked around. She smiled so happily that even her eyes were curved. It was really beautiful.
It seemed the world in the fairy tale books she read when she was young had come true. The house had a thick carpet, a vintage, small kerosene lamp, and some white roses with dewdrops on the buds in a red vase. Paisley had never imagined that there would be such a small, warm house in a frozen and snow-covered world. She felt as if they had escaped to a fairy tale world.
Paisley turned around and found that Matthew was taking off his coat. Sensing her gaze, he asked with a smile, "Do you like it?"
Paisley didn't answer, but her eyes exuded hints of joy. She asked, "What are we going to do here?"
"Watch the snow," Matthew replied righteously. Holding her hand, he led her to a sofa near the window and let her sit down. The sofa was very soft and there was a woolen blanket beside it. Paisley could tell that it would feel very warm when covering it. Matthew casually put the woolen blanket on Paisley and said, "I promised you to take you to the north to watch the snow before."
To watch the snow? It dawned on Paisley that three years ago, on the eve of their engagement ceremony, he squatted before her and said, "I will travel with you when our kid grows up and I make enough money. We can go to the north to watch the snow and go to the seaside to watch the sunrise with us wrapped in the same blanket. When you get too old to walk, I will accompany you to have a sunbathe. I must die after you; one or two days later are enough. In this way, my Paise won't feel lonely her whole life."
Being wrapped in the same blanket and leaning against each other tightly... What a beautiful scene. However, she sent him to prison soon after that.
Paisley who was cheered up by the snow suddenly became bitter. She subconsciously clenched the woolen blanket.
Of course, Matthew knew what she was thinking. He held her hand and asked, "Paise, shall we forget our past?"
"Can we?" Paisley murmured. Could they really forget their past?
"Why can't we?" Matthew got anxious and continued, "We're so young and we all have a bright future. Why do we have to be trapped in the past?"
"Paise, come here." Matthew held her hand and took her out of the house. They walked around the house several times and he only stopped when the originally smooth snowfield became messy. He pointed at the messy footprints and said, "Paise, these are our past. But come here to have a look tomorrow."
If it snowed, this place would restore to a smooth snowfield tomorrow. But if it didn't, it would take at least several days for it to resume.
Looking at Paisley, Matthew said, "I bet these traces will disappear tomorrow."
"What if they won't?"
"Then I'll send you back right away and I won't pester you anymore."
On their first night in Snowfall, they wrapped themselves in a blanket and appreciate the snowfield outside the cabin. The surroundings were desolate and inhibited and there was only a faint light shining out of the small log cabin. It seemed like it was not going to snow.
"Will it snow?"
"It will," Matthew answered confidently.
Would it? It would be destiny if God really let it snow.
Paisley vaguely hoped that it would have heavy snow at night so that the messy footprints outside the house as well as their unbearable past could be covered.
She waited for the whole night, but it was very peaceful outside. In the end, Paisley went to bed first as she was too sleepy.
When she woke up the next day, the first thing she did was open the door.
The snowfield had restored to smooth as if it really had heavy snow last night and it had erased all scars.
Following Paisley, Matthew said complacently, "I told you it would snow. It's God's will."
Paisley was rendered speechless. After a while, she finally failed to restrain herself and said, "I saw you secretly get up last night."
When she woke up last midnight, she saw Matthew sweep the snow carefully and secretly erase the footprints. The snow was very heavy and a light step on it would still leave a footprint. It must have been hard for him to circle around the house again and again to restore the snowfield to its original look.
"Anyway, they disappear," Matthew said righteously, not feeling shy or guilty at all.
He was still so cheeky. Paisley smiled brightly, looked at the white distance, and asked, "What the heck do you want to do?"
"Nothing." Matthew walked up to her and said in a gentle voice, "The world is covered with ice and snow. Where can we go?"
Paisley gazed at him. Matthew curled up his lips and pointed at his chest, saying, "You can only stay here."
He was telling the truth. She was now in a desolate, inhabited, cold place. Where could she go? She could only stay by his side. He had brought her to a world with him only.
Paisley looked out of the house and said flatly, "Well."
She had admitted this and would like to think that it really snowed last night and it had erased the scars of their past. She would like to take it as God's will of letting her stay.
She had seven days for the New Year holiday and she and Matthew would stay here for seven days at most. Paisley thought so, but she felt bitter inwardly. People were usually so greedy. When she left with him on New Year's Eve, she told herself that she could indulge for a night. But now, she greedily wanted seven more days. She couldn't refuse Matthew at all.
She had always been greedy about Matthew. She greedily wanted warmth from him, his kindness, as well as his love.
Matthew smiled brightly, held her hand, and said, "Let's go out to build a snowman."
They built a snowman and had a snowball fight.
Matthew had prepared a skiing board. Sitting together, they skied down from a height. Paisley felt as if she was about to fly, but the warmth from behind made her feel secure. It reminded her that he was right beside her and he was hugging her tightly.
Paisley played very happily as if she had really forgotten the past. They were like a couple of lovers going out for a vacation. They laughed, joked, and played. They built many ugly snowmen, like the Green Giant and so forth and they would make a hole in the ice to catch fish and then grill them if they were hungry.
Matthew was the "chief cook". Paisley got impatient and reached out to touch the grilled fish, but her hand was then hit by Matthew as the latter said, "It's hot."
Paisley didn't get annoyed. She squatted beside the fish like a cat to be fed and waited for the fish with her eyes bright.
When it got dark, they would heat a jug of wine, just like what some people would do - sitting before a fireplace and drinking together when it was about to snow.
The wind was rising. Probably it would snow today.
Narrowing her eyes, Paisley felt a bit dizzy under the effect of the alcohol. She hadn't enjoyed wantonly for so long.
It was true that people should be rich because they could go to any place they wanted to go and lead any kind of life they wanted to live in this way. People who had to catch the bus or subway every day could not understand the leisure of flying to Paris to feed pigeons for relaxation. In the past, Paisley didn't know how hard life would be, but she had a profound understanding of it after these three years. Life was really hard, and she somehow understand why her mother asked her to engage with Matthew back then.
However, she couldn't tolerate his mistake, and it was the same even now. A mistake was always a mistake.
Paisley looked at the man before her. He had a good appearance and was wearing a light-colored shirt and a soft sweater, which made him look extremely gentle. She always stole glances at him these days and concluded that he didn't wear clothes with bright colors anymore. But he still looked neat and this was the same as in the past. However, Paisley always had a feeling that Matthew had changed. Sometimes when he became silent, she would feel it hard to see through him when looking at his unfathomable eyes.
How did Matthew go through these three years?
Paisley didn't dare to ask this question, nor did Matthew tell her about this. The past seemed to have been concealed by the heavy snow and none of them mentioned it again. Nonetheless, sometimes Paisley would think about it and feel distressed for him. He was reduced from a descendant of a rich family to a prisoner. Moreover, he was jailed because of rape, a crime despised by people around in the world. He must have suffered a lot when he was in prison. Though she didn't visit or ask about him, it didn't mean that she didn't care about him.
Sensing her gaze, Matthew raised his brows and smiled faintly and flirtatiously, "How do I look? Am I your cup of tea?"
When Matthew finished the words, both of them were dumbfounded because they were very familiar with these sentences. When they first met, he also asked her like this.
Paisley was in a daze. Probably because of the wine, or the heating system in the room, her face was covered with a thin layer of red color and her eyes looked blurred.
She was looking at him with her head tilted. It seemed like she was captivated. Matthew did have a good appearance. His brows were dark and beautiful, and his nose was high and straight. Back then, what she liked the most was his eyebrows and nose, and what she disliked the most was his eyes. He had a pair of amorous eyes. When he looked into your eyes, you would feel captivated. He would appear to be affectionate no matter whom he was looking at.
Now his eyes had become unfathomable. Though it was the same pair of eyes, she couldn't see them through. And even his features had become mature. The time had taken away his frivolousness, leaving only an appearance people would appreciate.
But she would still miss the unruly Matthew. Back then, he was optimistic, a bit foolish, and very childish, but he would look at her smilingly and affectionately.
Fixing her eyes on him, Paisley wished so much to touch him. She clenched her fists and then loosened them repeatedly. She kept shivering, but she still didn't dare to touch him. In the end, she asked timidly, "How-How were you doing over the three years?"
Paisley despised this question the most. What qualification did she have to ask this question? However, except for this, she didn't know what to say. She was afraid of getting a bad answer from him. She was afraid of hearing that he was beaten and bullied in prison and suffered something bad. Over the past three years, she would feel restless whenever she thought about this.
Matthew was dumbfounded as if he hadn't expected this question from Paisley.
He glanced at her meaningfully and then shook his head gently, saying, "It's bad. Very bad."
His voice was very soft, but it shocked Paisley as if a heavy big bell was tolled on a quiet night.
Paisley felt a lump in her throat and she almost shed tears, but she suppressed it. She had expected this. It would be a miracle if he had led a happy life in prison. After all, no matter how rich and powerful the Waylon family was, he was in prison after all.
"Is-Is it so bitter?"
"Bitter?" Matthew pondered for a while and answered, "Not to that extreme. It's just that..."
Matthew sat down beside her and covered his eyes in pain, saying, "It's just that I missed you so much. I couldn't see you in prison. I missed you so much, really. Paise, you didn't come to see me..."
Paisley was lost for words when she heard the last sentence. She shifted her lines of sight, not daring to look at him, and replied, "I thought you hated me to the core."
"Of course, I hated you. But when I was fed up with hatred, I would ponder if my Paise had a happy life outside, if she was alone, and if she would feel lonely." Matthew shook his head and dropped this topic. He fixed his intense eyes on her and asked, "What about you? Did you miss me?"
Did she miss him? This question was difficult for Paisley.
She was the one who called the police and told him not to meet again. When she left, she had gotten prepared and thought that she would not meet him again and that everything was over. But later, she found it was just the beginning.
Paisley had always been thinking that she didn't have too many feelings for Matthew, nor did she care about him. They had only known each other for a short time, and they had only fallen in love for a short period. It was just an ordinary relationship. Unlike those unforgettable relationships or those lovers going through life, death, and parting, they simply fell in love and then separated.
See, many couples broke up every day and many people also fell in love every day. Separation and falling in love were ubiquitous.
Paisley thought she could also forget Matthew and everything.
But she was wrong. She always had dreams after leaving him. She would dream of the times when they were in love, dream of the future he once pictured to her, and dream of the scene when they walked hand-in-hand around the campus covered with the first snow of the year. Under the dim light, a boy in a plaid woolen coat stood beside her with a gentle smile, and the warmth from his hand that was holding hers was so real...
Paisley would look around when she woke up, but she couldn't find that familiar person anymore. Only then did she realize that she had really fallen for him and her love for him was much deeper than how much she had imagined.
Human beings were such smart yet foolish creatures. Paisley only realized that she loved Matthew in her dreams.
She realized in her dreams again and again that she once loved a boy deeply. Thay boy named Matthew promised her something, and she was still waiting for it.
She knew nothing about what Matthew had gone through over the three years, but she missed him every day.
The memories he left to her were like a chronic disease that could never be healed. They would hurt her whenever she dreamed of the past and she felt so painful, yet couldn't tell any others about it.
Could she tell anyone that she had destroyed their future by herself?
She missed him, but she didn't dare to have any illusion about him.
Paisley stared at Matthew, and the latter gazed at her with his face filled with anticipation. He was waiting for her answer.
She shifted her gaze and looked out of the window. Then she exclaimed in surprise, "It's snowing."
It was really snowing and this one was heavier than any other ones they had experienced.
They walked to the window to watch the snow. This snow was much more ferocious than any other snow in Oakwood. It seemed like the snow in the north wasn't gentle at all.
Paisley had never seen such big snow. She asked in curiosity, "Will it snow for the whole night? It's so heavy that people cannot see each other even if they're opposite. They may get separated easily, right?"
Paisley didn't mean anything when saying these words, but Matthew took her words to his heart. He held her hand and said, "Rest assured because I'll keep a lamp."
Paisley was confused. Matthew smiled and continued, "I'm the lamplighter. No matter how heavy the snow is, I will light a lamp to wait for you and you'll find me."
She was the person coming home in the storm at night, while he was the lamplighter.
Paisley felt warm. She also wished that someone could light a lamp for her so that she could find her way home. But could it be possible?
Looking at the storm outside, she said, "It will be so great if the storm will not stop."
It snowed so heavily that it seemed like it could easily bury this small log cabin. How great it would be if everything could stop when it was the best.
Matthew walked over, put the blanket on her, and said, "I also wish so."
Standing beside her, he also looked at the storm outside and said, "I wish that this snow will not stop so that it can cover everything and that we can stay together forever just like this. We don't have to worry about our future, nor do we have to be bothered by our past. I still can't bear to leave you."
He said the last sentence affectionately and gently.
Paisley smiled. She drank a lot tonight. She wanted to tell him that she didn't cherish her life, but she cared about him.
She smiled at him in a daze. It was so great that Matthew had taken her to a place where she could forget the past and they could rely on each other intimately in this white world. She leaned against Matthew's shoulder and smiled foolishly. Rubbing her face against his shoulder, she looked like a kitten playing cute with its feeder and showing him her softest belly.
She was a bit drunk. She murmured, "Matthew, I'm afraid..."
"What are you afraid of?" asked Matthew.
She was afraid that it was just a dream. Just like many nights over the past three years, when she woke up from her dream, she realized that she loved a man yet had lost him in a trance. Then she could only sit dully in the dark, not even able to shed tears as what was left to her was only the painful sense of missing him.
She remained silent after finishing the sentence. Paisley had fallen asleep and she was really drunk. She would allow herself to indulge for seven days.
Matthew carried her up, put her on the sofa, put a blanket on her, and then looked at her quietly. When he first met her, he thought she was like a green lotus, but now, she looked like a snow lotus in the snow. She was beautiful but was farther away from him.
He detested distance. Under the light, Matthew stared at her affectionately like a gentle demon.
At midnight, Matthew was awakened by Paisley's intermittent, painful moans.
He abruptly sat up and turned on the light, only to find that Paisley's face was eccentrically red. It seemed like she was sick.
He touched her forehead and found it was burning hot. She had a fever!
They had played together crazily in the snowfield for a whole day and she had drunk some wine at night with a heavy heart. No wonder she would get sick. Matthew felt remorseful. He patted her cheek gently and called, "Paise, Paise."
After a long while, Paisley finally opened her eyes. But she fell asleep after taking a glance at him. She had become dizzy because of the fever.
There was no antipyretic in the cabin. Matthew had tried every physical hypothermia, yet Paisley's body temperature didn't reduce a bit. Instead, it even tended to rise.
"This can't work. It will get serious if her body temperature can't be reduced." Matthew thought to himself.
Matthew called his friend Daniel Brown who was living in Snowfall, asking him to drive here.
Daniel said no problem, but he told him that the car couldn't drive on the road from the national highway to the cabin.
"Well, I see. I'll find a way home. Please come right now."
After ending the call, Matthew woke Paisley up, "Paise, Paise, you should get up now. Let's go to the hospital."
What he got were only Paisley's painful gasps.
"Oops!" Matthew sighed inwardly anxiously. He put a cotton-padded jacket, a scarf, a pair of gloves, and a pair of earmuffs on Paisley, took a flashlight, and went out with Paisley on his back. It was still snowing and every step he took would leave a deep footprint. It was even hard for a person alone to walk in such a storm, not to mention that Matthew was carrying Paisley. Gritting his teeth, Matthew walked forward step by step. The only thought in his mind was that he must be quicker.
Paisley had fainted. Chilled by the icy wind, she raised her head dizzily, only to find she was enveloped by the dark. She shouted restlessly, "Matthew, Matthew."
Her voice sounded husky, low, and anxious.
"I'm here. I'm here." Panting, Matthew patted her back to comfort her.
Paisley, however, couldn't feel it. She only alternately felt cold and hot and couldn't see anything, just like what she often experienced in her dreams. She felt as if she was walking in the dark alone and Matthew was waiting for her at a bright place. However, no matter how fast she ran, she couldn't catch up with him.
She shouted anxiously, "Matthew! Matthew!"
Her voice sounded helpless and lost as if she was an abandoned kid.
"Paise. I'm here. It's me."
Paisley couldn't hear him at all. She constantly called his name in a low, aggrieved, and desperate voice, "Matthew, Matthew..." Her voice was crying Matthew felt his heart almost broken when he heard it. He couldn't restrain himself anymore and stopped to cup her face, saying, "Paise, look at me. It's me. I'm here."
Paisley opened her eyes confusedly. When looking at him, there was a moment of soberness in her eyes.
She looked at him dully and then suddenly shed tears as she asked, "Matthew?"
She choked out, "Our kid... We lost our kid."
"What?"
Paisley became confused again. She kept saying in a crying voice, "We lost it. We lost it..."
Her tears made his palms wet as she cried so sadly. Matthew was dumbfounded. He wanted to question her as it was she who aborted the child. But just as he was about to ask this question, he saw a beam of light and found Daniel running toward him. Matthew hurriedly shouted, "I'm h here."
They then sent Paisley to the hospital together. Paisley had become completely unconscious later. She just panted heavily and didn't talk nonsense anymore.
After sending Paisley to the emergency clinic, Matthew squatted on the ground and kept blaming himself. Paisley's rapid breaths seemed to resonate in his heart. He had been so neglectful before that he forgot Oakwood and Snowfall had a big difference in temperature. He didn't take good care of her.
Daniel consoled him, "Rest assured. She'll be all right."
When spotting Matthew's wet pants and shoes, he urged him, "Hurry up to change your clothes and shoes. Don't you want your legs?"
Only then did Matthew realize that both his pants and shoes were wet. He had walked in the snowfield for so long and his legs had become unconscious due to extreme coldness long ago.
Since Paisley was sent to the hospital in time, there wasn't any problem with her. It was just that she had pneumonia and needed to stay in the hospital for several days.
Matthew felt very guilty and ran errands for her, afraid that something else would happen to her. Paisley felt uncomfortable when seeing this and ordered him to sit down, took off his shoes, and massaged his leg bit by bit as his legs also suffered from frostbite that night.
Matthew fixed his eyes on Paisley. With her head lowered, she was massaging his legs with a serious expression. Her long hair cascaded down her cheeks, making her look very gentle. He felt touched and blurted out, "Paise..."
"What?" paisley asked without even raising her head. She was still massaging his legs seriously as if nothing was more important than his injury.
"No-Nothing." Though Matthew had many questions, he still swallowed them down. He looked at her without even blinking his eyes and said with a satisfied look, "You're so good to me."
Paisley still didn't raise her head. Matthew moved closer to her. Remembering that she kept calling his name when she had a fever, his heart softened. He asked, "Paise, are you so afraid that I may leave?"
Paisley's slender fingers paused in the air. Then she continued to massage his legs quietly. Matthew slightly curled up his lips and moved closer to her. Leaning against her, he said in a soft voice, "Rest assured. I won't leave."
Paisley was still quiet. With her head bowed, her eyes were hidden under her long eyelashes and Matthew couldn't see her expression clearly.
They wasted the rest holiday in the hospital.
Matthew felt very guilty, but Paisley didn't give a shit about it. She hadn't been so happy for so long.
When they went to the cabin to tidy up their luggage, Paisley stood in the snowfield and stared at it for so long. She really liked this place as it was like a fairy tale world. It was covered with ice and snow and they could stay with each other regardless of life and death.
Standing beside Paisley, Matthew said, "Paise, let's bury them."
He was referring to the past. But Paisley didn't respond to it. She walked into the cabin and carefully tidied up the house. This place was like their home. Though they had to go on a long journey, they would come back one day.
Paisley remained silent on the way back. When she fell asleep on the plane, she subconsciously leaned her head against Matthew's shoulder, looking as if she was very dependent on him.
After getting off the plane, Matthew sent Paisley back. Her vacation was over and she needed to go to the company again.
Paisley didn't say goodbye to him after getting out of the car, nor did she say things like "let's not meet again". She just directly got out of the car. The seven days had come to an end.
Matthew sat in the car for a while, watching her leave without even turning around.
He pulled open the car door and rushed over as he couldn't restrain himself anymore. Then he grasped her arm and asked, "Paise, is it that we won't have any relationship again after your leave today?"
No matter if it was in the past or now, she was always like this. She would prepare for separation before anything began.
Paisley didn't reply. She just bit her bottom lip silently.
Matthew looked as if he had expected this. He said a bit angrily, "You like to calculate everything clearly. Then answer my question. What's our relationship like now? Don't tell me that we're just friends. I don't give a shit about this kind of relationship!"
Paisley raised her head. Her indifferent eyes were tinged with some emotions. She asked sadly, "Then what other relationship can we have?"
With that unbearable past, what other relationship could they have?
Even though the heavy snow could cover everything, the ice and snow would melt one day.
Paisley didn't want both of them to taste the bitterness when the sweet sugar-coating melted.
Now she and Matthew were like two hedgehogs. No matter how hard they tried to forget, their past was like the thorns they couldn't get rid of. They would even feel pain when hugging each other. What else could they do?
Paisley's surging emotions were subdued again. Looking at Matthew, she said calmly, "Matthew, we're back."
They were no longer in the white world in which there were only the two of them. They had to live in the current moment and couldn't do whatever they wanted to do. Putting Matthew aside, how would Anderson allow his son to live with a woman who once sent him to prison?
Paisley didn't dare to think about it. Even she herself thought it impossible, not to mention Anderson.
She turned around and intended to leave. But her hand was pulled by a great force. The next moment, she was pulled into Matthew's arms. Embracing her, Matthew said word by word, "Paise, I come back to be your lover, not just a passer-by."
He murmured into her ear, "Do you remember it?
Paisley was dumbfounded because Matthew once said the same words to her.
Matthew gazed at her intensely and said, "You asked me what we should do, right? I want to do this."
He pressed her shoulders, slightly leaned forward, and then quickly landed a kiss on her lips.
"I want you to love me and can't leave me anymore."
His kiss was too abrupt and quick. He just pecked her lips and then quickly leaned back. But the kiss struck Paisley like a lightning. After a long while, she finally came to her senses and said, "Impossible."
Matthew smiled. He didn't care about her refusal at all.
"You also said so five years ago, but you still became my girlfriend in the end. Now..." He paused, took a step forward, gazed at Paisley affectionately with his charming eyes filled with passion, and continued, "You'll still be my girlfriend. In the past, I managed to let you get accustomed to me. Now I will let you get accustomed to loving me."
He said so confidently that Paisley couldn't retort him. She could only escape.
On the way back to her house, Paisley's face got redder and redder as if it was about to burn.
When she opened the door, she found the landlady in the living room. Spotting Paisley, the landlady said in a blaming voice, "Paisley, you've been out for several days. Why didn't you inform me? I thought something bad had happened to you. Though you're just renting my house, you should at least inform me about it."
"I was too neglectful. I'm sorry, Madame."
Paisley hurriedly walked into her room to wash her face. But it still couldn't cool down her face. Her hot face reminded her of what Matthew had done to her just now.
Paisley thought he was really a rascal, but she inexplicably felt sweet, anticipating yet at the same time bitter. These emotions entangled in her heart, reminding her that Matthew was really back.
She desperately needed a person to warm her dark night.