Chapter 20
The pursuit typical of Matthew reappeared.
The white roses that reappeared in her life reminded Paisley that Matthew was really back. He had returned to her.
He was still very sensible and would not make a splash.
Paisley was now an interior designer in a decoration design company. When she was criticized by her client, he could solve the problem with just some words. When she worried that she couldn't find any clients, Matthew casually introduced some clients to her, which were all major clients that her company would suck up to at usual times. Her supervisor was very happy and smiled at her so frequently during this month while he seldom smiled at her over the past years.
It was so easy for rich people to do business. She had worked hard for so long, yet its effect was incomparable to few of his words. If this happened in the past, Paisley would think it unfair. However, she had learned to take everything easily. It was such a world with fierce competition, and she was just an insignificant person who couldn't fight against those powerful people.
What bewildered Paisley was that Matthew came to her.
When Matthew put his coat on her shoulders and hugged her, Paisley's heart, which had been cold for so long, felt warm.
She thought of her maternal grandfather. He also took her away when she was almost in despair. When she had a fever, Matthew walked through the snowfield carrying her on his back with great difficulty. When she woke up, she found him resting his head on the bedside with tiredness written all over his face. Paisley felt a sharp pain in her heart. It was Matthew and they once loved each other deeply.
Matthew was very smart that he came to her at the coldest moment. She had been accustomed to loneliness, but his appearance made her find out that she was still hoping that someone could treat her gently and carefully, cook breakfast for her, and give her a foot bath. She wished that he could look at her with her reflection in his eyes.
Over the years, what touched Paisley was never the splendid world based on money, but those ordinary and heart-warming details that made her feel that she was valued.
Paisley was afraid that she couldn't refuse Matthew. She had refused the whole world stubbornly, but she still wanted to love a person.
This person could not be anyone else except for Matthew.
Paisley was such a self-contradictory person. She was yearning for love, yet at the same time, she was afraid of it. But Matthew was expelling her fright bit by bit.
He was coming. He would wait for her downstairs her company every morning and give her a lunchbox containing breakfast and lunch. Paisley said, "I've had breakfast."
"You haven't. I know it." Matthew stuffed the lunchbox into her hand. He said overbearingly yet gently, "Don't argue about this. Paise, I need to rush to my company later. Be obedient and have meals regularly."
He didn't talk any nonsense and just stroked Paisley's long hair and then hurried away.
At noon, Matthew called Paisley and asked, "Did you eat?"
Whenever Paisley opened the lunchbox, she would get some dishes that she was familiar with. He knew about her tastes even better than herself.
Matthew chuckled and asked in a low voice, "Do you like it?"
Paisley's face turned red. His voice sounded so flirtatious as if he was asking if she liked him.
At nightfall, when Paisley got down the building after clocking out, she found Matthew was waiting for her downstairs. Seeing her, he walked up, held her hand, and said naturally, "Let's go."
He would take her to have dinner or buy many ingredients and then cook in Paisley's house.
The landlord welcomed him very much because every time when he came, half of the things he took were for the landlord. Therefore, she wouldn't feel unhappy even if Matthew needed to use her kitchen. Sometimes when Matthew didn't come, the landlord would ask about him. "Paisley, isn't your boyfriend coming today?"
"When did you establish your relationship? His car is very expensive!"
Paisley only smiled. How should she answer these questions? What was her relationship with Matthew?
She couldn't make up her mind to escape from his gentleness, nor did she dare to stand by his side confidently.
Sometimes Paisley thought she was really a despicable person who tried to warm herself with Matthew's love.
At weekends, Matthew would take her to his house in the Plido District.
Sometimes they would go out for fun, and sometimes they would just watch movies, talk, and cook together as if they were a couple who had been in love for years.
Because of him, this winter seemed especially long and warm.
Paisley also became brighter as if the gloomy sky that had been hanging over her world for years suddenly cleared up and became blue.
Her colleagues all guessed who that man was as he would come to her company every morning and dawn on time. Even Malcolm would ask curiously when seeing her, "Paise, are you in a relationship?"
Paisley was amused and asked, "Why did you ask so?"
"You become more beautiful and your eyes become bright. Just like that word I saw in soap operas. Wait, I forget it." Malcolm analyzed it logically. After a long while, he finally remembered the word and said, "Radiant. Yep. Paise, you look radiant now."
Paisley complained about the word inwardly and shifted the topic. "What nonsense are you talking about? Don't always think about watching TV shows. Drink more milk so that you can grow taller."
Paisley's words hit Malcolm's sore spot. He grew one year older after New Year's Eve, but he didn't grow taller.
That day, Paisley couldn't help but look into the mirror to study herself after coming back. "Is it that obvious? Am I in a relationship?" she asked herself inwardly.
They had meals together, dated, and watched movies... They would do everything together. It seemed like she and Matthew were really in a relationship. But could they really restart?
Paisley didn't know the answer. She only knew that Matthew was like a tide constantly rushing over while she was like a receding coastline.
One of them was walking forward and one was stepping back. He penetrated into her life and her heart constantly and bit by bit.
One day, when Paisley saw her colleague buying knitting wool on the Internet, the first thing that popped into her mind was to knit a scarf for Matthew.
When she was a college student, Paisley also followed suit and learned to knit scarf when her roommates knitted scarfs for their boyfriends. Indeed, Paisley also cared about Matthew before. She also knitted a scarf for him. However, his birthday was in summer and it would be very strange to send him a scarf as a gift. Therefore, Paisley had never taken out that scarf and it was already lost as she had moved houses several times later.
Paisley had an impulse when she saw that colorful scarf and decided to buy some knitting wool. She didn't buy it on the Internet because she couldn't wait anymore and only managed to get some after visiting several stores. For some skills, if you grasped it, you wouldn't forget it. Paisley tried to knit and she couldn't stop that night. She knitted the scarf stitch by stitch for the whole night. When it was almost dawn, she had finished most of the scarf.
But when she finished it, she didn't dare to give it to him. She couldn't say it out.
In the end, it was Matthew who found the grayish scarf hidden in a drawer when he came to find her.
He picked it up, studied it carefully, and then chuckled. Then he went to ask Paisley, "What's this?"
"It's a freebie from a supermarket. Buy one get one free," Paisley replied casually, but her face got red.
"Really?" Matthew raised his brows and chuckled. Apparently, he was not convinced. Holding the scarf, he said, "It quite fits me. Paise, can you help me put it on?"
"Wear it yourself." Paisley pretended to be busy and ignored him.
Matthew walked over, put the scarf on her palm, and said, "Please."
He was playing cute with her, but his eyes were fixed on her. He stared at Paisley intensely with his charming eyes filled with smiles, which captivated Paisley. Paisley felt her face getting hotter. Surrendering to his persistence, she tiptoed and put the scarf around his neck. It was long and she circled it for three rounds. Paisley then adjusted the scarf. Though she looked shy, her movements appeared to be very gentle.
Matthew lowered his head to stare at her and asked, "Do I look good?"
Paisley didn't answer this question. Matthew suddenly smiled, leaned forward, pecked her cheek, and said, "Thank you, my Paise."
Then he ran to the mirror and said narcissistically, "I look so handsome."
Paisley who was left on the spot blushed with the red color spreading from her cheeks to her ears.
Matthew wore the scarf for the whole winter and he only put it away when it was too hot to wear it as Paisley forbade him to wear it anymore.
He approached her again and whispered into her ear, "Knit another scarf for me next year. Wait, two. One for you and one for me."
The spring came after the winter and Matthew took Paisley to appreciate cherry blossoms.
The cherry blossoms fell on their shoulders like snowflakes. Matthew brushed the petals off her hair from time to time and asked, "Paise, do you love me?"
Paisley looked up, only to see the pink cherry blossoms overspreading above her head like the rosy clouds in the sky. Matthew was standing under the rain of petals and it looked as romantic as a poem written for her. She blinked her eyes and replied, "Nope. I only love my grandfather."
"Oh..." Matthew chuckled and pinched Paisley's palms. Looking at her, he sighed, "It's so unfair because I only love you."
His voice sounded so aggrieved yet affectionate.
Standing under the cherry trees, Paisley smiled at him ungratefully with their hands held together.
In the summer, they went to Edgewater University together.
It was June, a month for graduation. The broadcasting room of the campus was playing the song "Don't Cry, My Friend". They walked around the familiar campus. College students in baccalaureate gowns could be seen every year and they were taking photos to celebrate their graduation. They looked young and energetic, just like how they used to be. They weren't afraid of anything and it seemed as if they had the whole world.
Paisley stopped downstairs of the girls' dormitory building. Caroline, Lillian, and Gianna had all graduated, yet her university life stopped that summer. She felt sorry for her youth, and she also felt sorry for Matthew's youth. They had tainted the purest period of their lives.
They also took a train to Plence. But this time, they didn't take too much luggage.
When people were young, they would take many things with them and their luggage was filled with the care and love of their families. But when people grow up, though they would go out with a light pack, they would still miss the heavy luggage they had to take before.
Paisley rested her head on Matthew's shoulder, but what popped into her mind was the young boy who was carrying a single-shoulder bag. In the past, he always looked energetic, youthful, and bright with a smile and had a pair of bright, charming eyes. How young they were at that time.
She said despicably, "You're so old."
Matthew gazed at her helplessly, looking as if he was hurt. "It's true that I've grown older."
Paisley became remorseful when she realized what she had said. She shouldn't have said those hurting words because Matthew lost his youth in prison. Moreover, she also grew older both physically and mentally.
She held up his hand and Matthew then wrapped her hand in his palm.
When they arrived at Plence, the first thing she did was to visit her grandfather. Paisley went there alone and Matthew waited for her outside the cemetery.
Paisley hadn't visited her grandfather for so long and his tomb was covered with a layer of dust. Paisley carefully wiped away the dust and then looked at the old man's smiling face on the tomb. She felt her eyes sore. In the past, she would always worry that her grandfather would grow old. Unexpectedly, her worries didn't come true. Her grandfather wouldn't get old anymore and it turned out that she had lost him for so long.
Paisley said many words to her grandfather. She told him that she had been working hard and treating her life earnestly over the past three years and that she was doing well.
In the end, she said, "I still fall in love with him."
She said tearfully, "I'm sorry, grandpa. I desperately want someone to accompany me."
Life was so long and living and struggling alone was too lonely and tied. She desperately needed a person to warm her dark night.
Paisley stroked her grandfather's face and whimpered, "I'm sorry, grandpa. I feel sorry for you.
It had only been a few years yet she had forgiven herself as well as her sin of causing her grandfather's death. She was really a selfish person. Her grandfather loved her very much, but she only loved him a bit.
It was already dark when Paisley left the cemetery.
Matthew was waiting for her outside. Seeing her, he secretly heaved a sigh of relief.
When he spotted her red eyes, he became a bit worried about her. However, he didn't dare to hold her hand like usual. He just walked to her side and kept stealing glances at her until Paisley couldn't pretend to not see it anymore.
In the end, Paisley held up his hand. With a pair of red eyes, she choked with sobs, "Matthew, you're really an asshole."
Matthew didn't deny it. He held her hand tightly and said in a low voice, "I'm sorry."
Love was indeed a selfish thing.
They still fell in love in the end.
Matthew was right. Paisley couldn't refuse a person who treated her well, not to mention that she had been lonely for so long.
She didn't have any relatives in this prosperous city and she had to rely on herself for everything. She was alone when her clients made things hard for her and she had to dig into her throat to vomit out what she had drunk to keep sober. She was also alone when she was driven out by a landlord who wanted to raise the rent and had to look for a new house. She was still alone when she had to chase after the last bus because she worked overtime to meet the deadline of the design draft.
She didn't have any relatives or friends. She only had herself and the past which she couldn't get rid of.
At that time, when she decided to call the police, she had expected that she would be scolded by everyone, be utterly isolated, and lose everything. She hadn't expected that her heart was so weak that she would be so dependent on a person. Matthew had spoiled her to the extreme that she got accustomed to loving him.
When they met again three years later, Paisley could only remind herself not to get trapped so deeply.
Therefore, every time when Matthew asked her if she loved him, her answer would always be "Nope. I only love my grandfather."
It was like she was guarding her last line of defense. She only loved that man who had passed away.
Though she said so and kept reminding herself inwardly, she was looking at Matthew gently and affectionately.
Matthew said with a smile, "How ungrateful."
He added, "I'll let you say you love me one day."
His eyes were filled with confidence. Paisley took several steps forward with her face facing Matthew and said with a grin, "Your dream."
Time flew by. They tried to forget the past and restart.
Matthew was unsatisfied with the small room that Paisley rented. He said it was like a children's room and questioned her which adult would sleep in a single bed nowadays. Moreover, it was inconvenient for him when he came to find her. Therefore, he had asked her to move out several times.
Paisley didn't agree. Although the room was far from satisfactory, it was her own room. She was afraid that she would have to depend on Matthew if she moved into his house. If she had to depend on him like her mother, in the end, she would lose her selfhood. Paisley could still remember her father's disgusted look when her mother knelt down and begged him not to leave her.
When two people fell in love, though he might love you now, his love for you might also disappear one day.
Paisley was afraid of this. She didn't want to own nothing except for loving him.
But she had forgotten that feelings were not like reason and they were uncontrollable.
In the autumn of that year, Matthew went out for a business trip. He had been working in his father's company after leaving the prison and he started from the basic level.
He needed to go to remote mountain areas. Before leaving, Matthew called her and complained that he couldn't see her for several days.
At that time, Paisley was busy modifying her design draft. It was the first time that she took a task about villa design and she was a bit plagued. She replied casually, "I see. Be careful."
"I have to leave for many days," Matthew complained again.
"Then you must take good care of yourself."
Matthew asked anxiously, "I have to leave for many days. Won't you miss me?"
Paisley finally realized what he was referring to. She blushed and retorted, "What's the point of it?"
Matthew chucked and lowered his voice as if he was bewitching her, "Paise, won't you miss me even a bit? What should I do? I have already begun to miss you."
Paisley couldn't continue with her work after ending the call.
She closed the software and searched on the Internet about the place that Matthew was about to go. The road there wasn't smooth and the weather forecast said there would be heavy rain and a drop in temperature in the next few days. Paisley texted Matthew, reminding him to take more clothes. Matthew replied shortly after, "You do miss me, otherwise, why are you so concerned about me? Why did you lie before?" Paisley could imagine what expression he had now. He must have curved his eyes with a smile and must look a bit complacent.
When Matthew set off the next day, Paisley didn't have any special feelings. She was busy with her work. However, when she was about to clock out, a message popped out on her screen - Fimtol is having a once-in-a-century rainstorm. It rained for seven hours, which caused a major debris flow. A photo of several cars being buried under the debris flow was attached.
The climate had worsened these years and once-in-a-century rainstorms always happened, so Paisley didn't take it to her heart. She closed the popup and prepared to clock out. As Matthew was not here, she had to think about what to eat tonight, which was really a bother. When she was tidying up her things, her hands paused in the air. Fitmol? Didn't Matthew go there for a business trip?
Paisley's heart skipped a beat. She clicked the link for a check, only to find it was really Fitmol. It was not a small-scale debris flow, but a large-scale landslide. The streams on the mountain rushed down half of the stones of the mountain and it happened that it fell on the highway and residences downhill. Cars driving through the highway were buried in a moment. According to the report, that place had restricted any passage and they had dug out many corpses. It was very chaotic. And in a photo, victims were placed in an array and were simply covered with clothes. In another photo, a ghastly pale hand that was buried in the mud was washed over by the rain.
Paisley felt a bit dizzy and called Matthew.
"Sorry, the phone you dialed is not answered for the time being, please redial later..."
Paisley could only get this emotionless prompt tone no matter how many times she called him.
"Answer my call. Why don't you answer my call?" Paisley yelled inwardly. She got more and more restless.
She told herself that it wouldn't happen because a bad person could usually live longer. Matthew was such a bad person, so he wouldn't have had an accident. However, another voice in her heart reminded her that something must have happened to him, otherwise, why didn't he answer her call? He would never ignore her calls. Paisley seldom called him, but whenever she called him, it would be answered after ringing for one or two seconds. If he missed the call, he would immediately call her back.
She made several calls yet none of them was answered. Paisley grasped her purse and rushed out. She decided to go to Fimtol.
Fimtol was a small city near Oakwood and was not far away from it.
When the driver heard the address, he shook his head and said, "Miss, we can't get there. That road is impassable. It has restricted any passage."
"Take another road if the highway is impassable. I beg you. I must go there."
Paisley didn't believe that all roads to Fimtol would be blocked. It was such a big disaster, so they must have opened a special line for rescue. Moreover, residents near that highway would go there to help rescue the victims. She didn't believe that she couldn't go there.
The driver dropped Paisley in a nearby village and insisted on not driving forward. Though Paisley said she could pay a great sum of remuneration, he cherished his life more as it was still raining and this place had many mountains and might have a secondary landslip at any time.
Paisley asked some villagers about the location of the accident and walked over. The road was not smooth and it was raining so heavily. Paisley was too hurried when she came and she didn't take anything. She felt as if her face was poured by basins of water and she felt so cold that she kept shivering. She gritted her teeth and walked forward. Luckily, she didn't walk for long before reaching the location of the accident.
The scene was in a mess and rescuers could be seen everywhere, including nurses in white gowns, warriors who had hurried over, and some kind-hearted citizens. Everyone was shouting, "Hurry over. Someone is here." Paisley saw a huge muddy mountain at the first glance. The landslide had destroyed the whole highway in this district. Some cars were buried under the mud, some cars had directly rolled down the mountain, and some had been smashed by stones rolling down the mountain.
Paisley had no idea about what Matthew's car looked like as he was on a business trip with his colleagues and drove his company's car here.
She walked forward in a trance. Everyone was busy and ignored her. When a police officer walked past her, he shouted, "This place is very dangerous. Don't hang out here."
"I'm here to find my friend," Paisley grasped his arm and continued, "I can't reach him..."
"You can register over there," the police officer interrupted her and asked, "Did you take your friend's photo."
"Yep. Yep." Paisley hurriedly replied.
"Then go there to register his information."
Paisley hurriedly headed to the registry. But after a while, she suddenly stopped because she realized that she didn't have one.
She didn't have any photos of Matthew. They had stayed together every day and she had never imagined that he would disappear one day. Moreover, Paisley didn't like taking photos. They had fallen in love for nearly a year, yet they didn't have a group photo. Now she really couldn't take out any photos of him.
What should she describe to others? "I'm looking for my boyfriend. He's tall and handsome and loves to smile. He has a pair of charming eyes, two black eyebrows, and a high nose." Now everyone was racing with the time to rescue victims. Who would listen to her? She didn't even know what Matthew was wearing when he went out on this business trip. How should she describe his information?
Only at this moment did Paisley find out that she was really bad to Matthew.
She enjoyed his gentleness, yet she had never been concerned about him. She even couldn't take out any photos of him.
It was still raining and Paisley was all wet.
She was soaked in muddy water, looking so messy. Standing in the chaotic scene of the disaster, she looked confused. But no one had time to take care of her.
Who would care about her and value her except for Matthew? She was only precious in his eyes. She had left her parents for almost four years, why did she only realize this now?
She swore inwardly, "Matthew, Matthew, I must find you!"
Paisley wiped her muddy face and joined the citizens to rescue victims while shouting, "Matthew! Matthew!"
The situation was much worse than what was described in the new reports. Someone had driven a large excavator here yet it was useless. Most of the time, the rescue had to rely on manpower. However, most of the victims they dug out had died. Paisley cooperated with others. She didn't dare to use any tool because she didn't have any experience in this and was afraid of hurting the victim. She dug into the mud with only her hands.
When Paisley first dragged a victim out, she wiped the mud off that person's face tremblingly. She was so afraid that the victim might be Matthew. That victim's body was very soft and probably he had died.
When she cleaned his face, she found it was not Matthew.
Paisley heaved a sigh of relief and slumped down on the ground. The next moment, she hurriedly walked away. That person had died! He died in that way! And he touched a corpse just now!
The disaster had happened for several hours and many relatives of the victims also arrived. Cries and moans could be heard everywhere. Many people's relatives, lovers, or friends died in this disaster without any sign. They died without even saying their last words or bidding farewell. Many people were buried in the cold mud and died before the rescue.
"Matthew! Matthew!" Paisley shouted in despair and dug into the mud crazily.
She was a bit frightened when she first dug a person out of the mud as it was a dead body. But she got numb after digging out several corpses. She didn't have any time to feel afraid as she needed to recognize the victims. If it was not Matthew, she would quickly begin to dig again. She didn't know where Matthew was. What she thought of was that if she could save others, God might pity her for this and bless Matthew.
She prayed inwardly, "Matthew, Matthew, you must be all right."
Paisley didn't have time to feel scared, nor did she have any time to cry. She kept shouting, "Matthew! Matthew!"
No one responded to her. A rescuer persuaded her, "Girl, have a rest. You may get sick before finding him if this continues."
Paisley couldn't hear him. She thought if Matthew was really buried in this place, his hope of survival would be reduced with every minute she took a break. She didn't notice that her fingers were already bloody because she didn't take any protection measures.
Three hours passed and it was a bit dark. Those who were buried deeply in the mud could not be rescued by manpower.
Paisley had lost her voice. When she stopped, she finally felt the sharp pain in her fingers. It was so painful that she even felt the pain in her heart.
Paisley slumped down on the muddy ground, feeling so desperate. She still couldn't find Matthew. What should she do? Where was he?
Maybe Matthew wasn't a victim of this accident, but she still couldn't reach him by call. Or probably Matthew had forgotten to take his phone with him. However, Paisley was clear that Matthew was not such a careless person.
She felt so tired as if she was hit by a car. Paisley struggled to stand up and went to check on the injured who were rescued, yet none of them was Matthew. She then checked the notice stuck on a board, on which there were the names of the injured and which hospital they were sent to. Paisley read every line carefully and read the notice several times, yet she still couldn't find Matthew's name.
Her heart sank bit by bit. In the end, Paisley looked toward the remains of the victims which were placed together.
She yelled inwardly, "Impossible! Matthew won't die. He's such a scourge. He's such an evil person. How would he die so early? Impossible. It's definitely impossible!"
Paisley shook her head. "Impossible! This won't happen!" she reassured herself in her heart.
But she still walked past the remains desperately and step by step. Every step she took was with a great burden that she didn't even know how to walk forward every time when she re-raised her feet. Paisley didn't know how she managed to check those lifeless faces. The victims included males, females, the old, and the young. Some of them were out of recognition, and some of them still had the expressions they had before death on their faces. But all of them looked stiff and pale.
Paisley forced herself to examine the corpses one by one. None of them was Matthew.
When she finished checking the last one, she slumped down on the muddy ground as if she had lost all her strength. She couldn't restrain herself anymore and burst into crying. She yelled in her heart, "Matthew, Matthew, where are you?" In despair, she looked toward the place where an excavator was digging. It had been so long and probably he had died...
"Matthew! Matthew" Paisley shouted tearfully. She couldn't accept this.
She hadn't told him that she loved him, never ever, yet he had been lost. How could he be so cruel that he disappeared from her world in this way?
Many people were coming and going past her as the rescue was ongoing. From time to time, they would stop to study Paisley, thinking that she was a poor woman who had just lost her family.
Indeed, Paisley had lost her voice earlier. She was now shouting without making any voice. She couldn't even cry out. She hugged herself tightly, not knowing what she had done wrong that God had to be so cruel to her. Her maternal grandfather had passed away and now Matthew also died. Matthew was so young that his wonderful life hadn't started...
Paisley also thought of the possibility that Matthew was still all right and it was just that he hadn't checked his phone. But she was so afraid. Most of the victims she and other rescuers dug out just now had died and only a few of them survived. She was scared. she went to check the remains. There were many remains and it seemed as if the array was endless. There were dead bodies everywhere and it seemed like Matthew wouldn't survive.
"Why? Why did this happen?" Paisley asked inwardly. She had lost her reasons that she couldn't think anymore. Her heart was filled with desperation.
She kept crying. She cried for a long while until an exclaim sounded from not far away. "Paise, why are you here?"
...
She loved him, very much.