"Think of your own dad, because I'm always there. I'm always there in your mind but you never thought of yourself! All of your life dad, I'm the center of your life. Daddy, don't be like that ' n. 'Don't please, I love you so much daddy, I love you so much. " I could no longer cope with all the pain I was feeling.
All I knew was that my vision was gradually blurring because of my tears, but I could feel the anger most lifted of all. My knees were weakening to get out of dad's room, any time I knew my knees would give up. I will also give but I manage to stand still and get the strength to walk.
Even before I could go far I could see a lump in front of me, because of the blurring of my eyes I could not recognize who it was. I closed my eyes and gently shook my head to see who it was. As soon as I opened my eyes I saw who the person in front of me was.
"First."
"Don't you dare do that again, Eerrah." The two of us met eyes, I was also confused by what it said. What should I not do?
"What are you--"
"Don't you dare suffer without me." I was silent at what he said, I didn't know what to say so I just bowed. "Or you can give it to me. I'm willing to take all the pain just to see you happy, Eerrah. But I'm begging you, baby. Don't suffer without me because I might die." The earlier anger I was feeling was replaced by pain when I saw him cry.
He's willing to suffer for me? How stupid is that.
"I don't want to," I said shaking my head so he looked at me. His lips twitched as if nervous at my sudden gesture.
"I want you gone in my life, Primo," I said emphatically, and I want to take back what I'd said when he started crying again. I know where this conversation is going. I'm not numb so as not to feel how he feels to me.
A man would never worry about you unless you're someone special. And I feel the same thing, I can't deny that I already have feelings for Primo in the short time I've been with him.
Aside from my dad, he's one of the person who always wants to protect me. And I'm longing for that kind of love.
"No," she said weakly, I manage to suppress my self from crying.
"Stay away from me, stay away from me and stay away from my life. You're not going to suffer because of me because we don't exist. What are you? What are you to me?" I boldly asked.
"Don't push me away Eerrah please. Don't push me away baby. You know I can't do that. I love you so much to stay away from you," he replied.
I cleared my throat. He loves me?
"And that's what makes me wonder, why do you love me even if I don't love you. Why do you love me even if you only know me! What are you stupid ?! Were you in love at first sight? That was really impossible because you are Primo! I know there is a reason why I am so comfortable with you. I always have a headache every time I see you! " I sobbed.
"It feels like you're part of my forgotten memories, Primo. So this is how I feel comfortable and fall in love with you quickly. I feel like you all agree with me, you don't want to tell me why I lost my memory. I'm worried, because you might have been important to me back then. And my head hurts thinking what the reason is and I decided not to think about it anymore because you are not as important to me now. So leave, get out of my life. "His gaze deepened on me so I was even weaker, I had nothing to cling to so I chose to be strong.
"I will stay with you no matter what, you can't push me away just like that Eerrah." I was devastated to see his eyes burning, but I could see the pain in his eyes so I wasn't scared.
All I knew was that my vision was gradually blurring because of my tears, but I could feel the anger most lifted of all. My knees were weakening to get out of dad's room, any time I knew my knees would give up. I will also give but I manage to stand still and get the strength to walk.
Even before I could go far I could see a lump in front of me, because of the blurring of my eyes I could not recognize who it was. I closed my eyes and gently shook my head to see who it was. As soon as I opened my eyes I saw who the person in front of me was.
"First."
"Don't you dare do that again, Eerrah." The two of us met eyes, I was also confused by what it said. What should I not do?
"What are you--"
"Don't you dare suffer without me." I was silent at what he said, I didn't know what to say so I just bowed. "Or you can give it to me. I'm willing to take all the pain just to see you happy, Eerrah. But I'm begging you, baby. Don't suffer without me because I might die." The earlier anger I was feeling was replaced by pain when I saw him cry.
He's willing to suffer for me? How stupid is that.
"I don't want to," I said shaking my head so he looked at me. His lips twitched as if nervous at my sudden gesture.
"Stay away from me, stay away from me and stay away from my life. You're not going to suffer because of me because we don't exist. What are you? What are you to me?" I boldly asked.
"Don't push me away Eerrah please. Don't push me away baby. You know I can't do that. I love you so much to stay away from you," he replied.
I cleared my throat. He loves me?
"And that's what makes me wonder, why do you love me even if I don't love you. Why do you love me even if you only know me! What are you stupid ?! Were you in love at first sight? That was really impossible because you are Primo! I know there is a reason why I am so comfortable with you. I always have a headache every time I see you! " I sobbed.
"It feels like you're part of my forgotten memories, Primo. So this is how I feel comfortable and fall in love with you quickly. I feel like you all agree with me, you don't want to tell me why I lost my memory. I'm worried, because you might have been important to me back then. And my head hurts thinking what the reason is and I decided not to think about it anymore because you are not as important to me now. So leave, get out of my life. "His gaze deepened on me so I was even weaker, I had nothing to cling to so I chose to be strong.
"I will stay with you no matter what, you can't push me away just like that Eerrah." I was devastated to see his eyes burning, but I could see the pain in his eyes so I wasn't scared.
All I knew was that my vision was gradually blurring because of my tears, but I could feel the anger most lifted of all. My knees were weakening to get out of dad's room, any time I knew my knees would give up. I will also give but I manage to stand still and get the strength to walk.
"I want you gone in my life, Primo," I said emphatically, and I want to take back what I'd said when he started crying again. I know where this conversation is going. I'm not numb so as not to feel how he feels to me.
A man would never worry about you unless you're someone special. And I feel the same thing, I can't deny that I already have feelings for Primo in the short time I've been with him.
Aside from my dad, he's one of the person who always wants to protect me. And I'm longing for that kind of love.
"No," she said weakly, I manage to suppress my self from crying.
"Stay away from me, stay away from me and stay away from my life. You're not going to suffer because of me because we don't exist. What are you? What are you to me?" I boldly asked.
"Don't push me away Eerrah please. Don't push me away baby. You know I can't do that. I love you so much to stay away from you," he replied.
I cleared my throat. He loves me?
"And that's what makes me wonder, why do you love me even if I don't love you. Why do you love me even if you only know me! What are you stupid ?! Were you in love at first sight? That was really impossible because you are Primo! I know there is a reason why I am so comfortable with you. I always have a headache every time I see you! " I sobbed.
I sobbed when he pulled me for a hug. He hugged me tightly as if he didn't want to let me go. "I know you're hurting, baby. Stop pushing me away. I'm fucking here with you to help you ease that pain. "
I cried on his shoulder when I heard that. I just forgot about everything around us. I just want to get rid of the pain I'm feeling right now with one of the most important people in my life. Primo is now special for me. He's beyond special.
I close my eyes when my brain is attacked by severe pain. I clung so tightly to Primo's shoulders as I struggled with the headache.
"I promise to marry you when we grow up, Eerrah."
"I want you to be my husband, Primo!"
"You'll be mine, soon. I promise. I will never leave you. "
I gasped when I saw the image of young Primo and young me talking. That scene... it's like a fucking piece of my forgotten memories. I slowly stepped away from Primo before staring at him. "Who a-are you?" I asked him.
"B-Baby-"
"Who are you in my life back then, Primo? Why are we together back then? " I asked him curiously. I'm hoping that this time, he'll tell me the truth.
"We were very close back then, baby. We're a perfect couple. " My eyes widened at what he said. Couple?
"But we were so young that time. P-How- "
"I know." He let out a laugh. "We're really a couple back then, Eerrah. Even your parents knew about it. We were so happy back then. I'm sorry for telling this to you just now. " I can see the pain and love in his eyes. Now it explains everything. Why he is always on my mind. Why his presence is so familiar to me.
"We were so happy. You said it yourself. So how do we separate? I mean, if you guys really care for me, why don't you tell me what happened in the past? Why did I lose my memory? " I cry question.
His eyes lowered down. "I'm sorry. But I might not be able to help you with that one. I want to protect you, baby. And if protecting you means hiding the truth, then I'm more than willing to hide it. "
He left after saying those words. He left me here, clueless.