I get up from the bed. I feel groggy. Understandable. This is the same as when I found out about Theo's harem. It's been what? Two weeks since I last saw him.
I walk towards the bathroom. He offers to see me every day, but I don't want that. I will never condone that kind of painful living with him. Fooling myself that he is just on a mission is better than the truth.
I take a deep breath. Early morning and I am already sighing. I need to get new sets of books from the library. I am about to finish all of it. It's been almost half a year since I arrived. Just two or three months and I will have browsed through everything in it.
I take off my clothes and prepare for a bath. After books, I need to train in martial combat and weapons. Brandon is back since a week ago, which I am grateful for. He is a patient teacher, someone that an ignorant student like me needs.
And then, there's the etiquette lessons from Tale and Khufu. Then, magic training with Klevon. I sigh as I massage my stomach. There is discomfort on it. It feels tight and heavy.
Suddenly, my stomach heaves and my mouth fills with saliva. When there is an urge to vomit, I run to the sink and empty my stomach into it. It's liquid, clear, and foamy. My stomach takes another jolt and I vomit into the sink again.
Once I feel no more retching for the meantime, I gurgle and wipe my mouth. I look at my reflection in the mirror. I don't look good. And I feel dizzy and my head aches. Should I forego all my activities for today?
I can't. This might be normal. This is probably an effect of my headaches, which I always get every time I am emotionally hurt.
And I am in pain. Theo has been with his harem women for two weeks. At night, images of him surrounded by women filled both my thoughts and dreams. Beautiful, highborn women who have ambition to have power in the palace. Women who can stand beside him in formal gatherings. Women that he can be proud of.
My stomach makes another swig and I retch on the sink again. This is the worse I had. Still, I force myself to take a bath. Once done, I come out of the bathroom–at the same time that the maids come in to bring me food.
I sit in front of my breakfast. Somehow, the bacon does not look good. I've always liked its taste, chewy and savory. But now, just looking at it makes my stomach turn, which is not a good feeling.
"Is there anything wrong with the food, Miss Kaiya?" the servant asks, after stirring my hot drink.
"The bacon… is too fatty. Too much oil," I say.
She glances at the food and says, "It's cooked and prepared in the same way, Miss."
"Okay, but make it less fatty next time," I say, not planning to argue with her. It will just make my headache worse.
I ‌start eating, but I ‌evade the bacon. It looks like it's drenched with oil.
After breakfast, I walk towards the library. Harbin is looking curiously at me while I place three books in front of him.
"I need replacement," I announce.
"You're pale," he responds.
"I'm fine. I'm just a little bit nauseous," I say and walk towards one of the shelves.
After taking new set of books, I return to the table where Harbin is and sit in front of him. "What are we going to learn today?"
"You look worse than yesterday. I think you should take this day off."
"I'm fine, Harbin. This will pass," I answer. This is just because of all the illusions I have of Theo and his harem.
"Even the dark circles in your eyes?"
I unconsciously touch it.
"You are still crying every night?" he asks. "Even after two weeks?"
It's just two weeks, but I look away instead. "Are we going to start with the lessons or not?"
Instead of answering, he stands up. He takes a trolley and gestures for me to follow him into the shelves of books. I obediently did. I watch him as he places different books on it.
"I will let you stay in your room today. Just read these and on Saturday, we can have some tea and I will ask about what you learned."
"I can stay here," I insist.
"No," is the curt reply.
Ignoring what I want, he walks me back to my room and even helps with the books. He gingerly places each of them on my study table.
"What is wrong with you?" I ask, feeling strange at how helpful he is.
"I will ask a physician to come to check on you. This state of yours is already alarming. You are getting worse each day."
"It's not my health. It's just my heart," I admit. "This will pass."
"What you feel affects your health."
"Not for me. I am from a hunting park."
Harbin takes a deep breath. "You are being assertive as time goes on, huh?"
I frown.
"But I will still ask a physician to come check you. Maybe General Lorant too. You have met him, right?"
I nod.
"We need to be sure that this is not the effect of that possession by Brandon."
"He already checked me."
"No issues if I let him check on you again."
I frown at him, but then a knock interrupts our staring match.
"Enter," I say.
"Kaiya…" I turn to the voice. It's Theo! What is he doing here?! It's just the second week. He says he needs at least a month!
Harbin clears his throat and says, "I will leave now."
The instant the door closes, Theo runs to me and envelops me in his embrace. He kisses my cheeks, but I push at his chest. He didn't let go.
"Kaiya…" he whispers again. There is a begging quality to his tone. "I miss you."
With great effort, I push him hard, and I take a step back. He looks pained by my reaction. I mirror his pain. I want so much to stay in his embrace. But seeing him now, when I am certain he just came from his harem, is painful.
"You are not supposed to be here," I say.
"I just took a bath. I just need to see you. To check on you."
He takes a step toward me, but I take a step back. I look away from his face. My chest is constricting. Seeing the emotions playing on his face is more painful.
"You don't look good. Are you not sleeping well?"
"What are you doing here? Is your duty done with your harem?" I ask, still not looking at him.
"No," he answers. My chest takes another painful jab. He continues to move towards me, and so is my withdrawal. "But I miss you so much. I need you, Kaiya." The back of my knee hits my bed. "Don't walk away from me."
With nowhere to retreat, his arms wind around me again, tight, and I want to answer that, but instead, my arms stay on both sides of me. When his hug gets tighter, I push at him, but he is strong, and I feel weak, and my body does not want to get out of his embrace.
I still try though, and with one hard push, I become outbalanced and we both fall on the bed, with him on top of me. His body shifts and then his hand caresses my cheeks. His thumb lightly touches the part under my eyes.
He leans forward and places a quick kiss on my eyes. "I am doing this to you, aren't I?"
I look away. He already knows the answer to that. His kisses continue, from my eyes to my forehead, and to my neck. When his hands start to explore my body, I catch it.
"Stop, Theo."
"I want you, Kaiya. Only you."
Straddling me, he takes his clothes off. He is about to kiss me again when I pull myself away from him. I get off the bed and glare at him. He looks confused and hurt at the same time. And the sudden movement makes my surroundings spin. I retreat to my study table and use it as support.
"Leave, Theo!" I scream. "I don't want you here!"
Is this really smart? Shouting at a King when he owns the entire castle? Heck, I am even indebted to him. I should be happy that he makes time to visit me. Yet, this clenching in my heart is hard to ignore.
"Kaiya…"
"Return when you are done. Be it a month, two months, three months. I don't care! Just leave!"
He inhales deeply as he looks at me. When I see the pain in his eyes, I look away again. He moves towards me again.
"Don't you dare touch me! Not when I know you have just come from your harem!"
"Kaiya…" he whimpers. "I need you, please…"
"If you want sex, ask it from your other women! Right now, I am not in the mood. I don't want you in my bed. I don't want your kisses. I don't even want your touch! Just leave me alone!"
I feel like a little girl having a tantrum, but I can't help it. My stomach takes another jolt, and nausea is taking over. I need to get back to bed and rest.
After that, he didn't make another sound. I just hear the shuffling of feet and the door of my room lightly closing. When I am sure he left the room already, my body drops to the floor. And everything blacks out.