I read through the written accounts of all the rulers of different Kingdoms. Harbin made me read it, probably to make me understand why Theo needs to have other women other than me. He needed to have an heir. I can't give that to him since most werewolves have little chance to get pregnant. Even Nowra and her mate need to copulate multiple times just to get a child. Despite all those nights, Nowra didn't get pregnant.
But it still hurts. Every time I think about him with other women, I see him differently little by little. Despite that, I still love and crave for him. As days pass, I miss him even more, and yet, I am not allowed to visit. As per the servants that I asked, whoever let me into the harem building will have the same punishment as Aditya.
Browsing through the books, I can see that if only Aditya was impregnated by the Djambek King, then maybe she could stay by his side. Should I do that? Strive to be pregnant so Theo will return to my side? Will my pregnancy stop him from taking other women if I ask him?
I play at the edge of the book cover. I miss him. He doesn't need to touch and kiss me, I just want to hear his voice and tell me that I still matter to him, even a little.
"Harbin, if I get pregnant, do you think Theo will visit me often?"
Harbin raises his brows at me. "Miss Kaiya. Why are you always thinking about men? Ladies should think about their own life and ambition too."
"You are also a man," I say.
"An old man," he corrects. "Still wiser than you, even if you go through all these books at such a fast pace."
"Why didn't you marry?" I ask instead.
"Because I never had another chance to meet a girl willing to have their own life, rather than having their life revolve around me."
"Shouldn't you be happy that the woman loves you that much?"
"I want a woman who loves herself, more than she loves me."
I raise my head and look at him. "How old are you, anyway?"
"Miss Kaiya, you are my student. These questions are too personal."
I continue to stare, waiting for his answer.
"I'm in my late forties," he finally answers.
"Never been in love? Or in love once?"
He takes a deep breath. "Didn't I teach you about not showing who you are and what you desire? You need that in a palace setting."
"I'm talking to you. I trust you."
He pauses, even so, he answers, "I've been in love. But she's in love with someone else."
"Hmmm," I mutter. I wonder how long before he's able to move on? "Why didn't she fall for you? I think you look good in your early years. You are smart too. You might be a little mean, but you handle me so well."
"Now, you are learning to patronize me."
"I am serious."
"Miss Kaiya. If you are thinking of being pregnant and having a child just so King Theo will stay with you, I don't think I am doing such a great job of educating you."
I snort. "What else can I do? I am previously a slave. And I love him. You know the loyalty that werewolves have. For our mate, we'd do everything."
"Which is why you need to finish all the books here. Complete the training with Brandon. And maybe I will allow you to accompany me in some of my travels."
I snort again. "As if I will be allowed to leave."
"You might have been reading and studying too much." Harbin stands up. "Instead of wallowing in your grief. Come, let's have a tour of the palace first."
"It's hot outside," I say, rejecting the idea.
Instead, Harbin pulls me up from the chair and half-drag me out of the library. Outside, with no other choice, I straighten my back and fix the creases on my light-blue dress. Servants nod at me and I give smiles to some.
We start at the multiple guest rooms with the same interior design. I see the King's and the vacant Queen's room. There are also unoccupied prince and princesses' rooms. And I wonder how jealous will I get once these rooms are filled up.
After that, we visit the dining room and kitchen. Function halls. Even goes as far as the stables and meets with different workers and servants in the palace. We even visited all the gardens.
It's already dusk when Harbin decides to visit the courtyard where apprentices are practicing their swordsmanship. Brandon and Klevon are helping the young men.
Seeing me, Brandon moves forward and makes a little bow. "What brings the two of you here?" he asks. "Is there something you need?"
Harbin waves his hands in front of Brandon and says, "No. Just continue. We are here to observe."
Brandon returns to the apprentices and Harbin and I sit on the bench. Suddenly, Klevon sits beside me and places his arm on the back of the chair behind me. I move away at his sudden closeness.
"I am doing good," he says with a smile on his face. "Thank you for visiting me."
"We are not here to visit you," I curtly say.
"Do you miss me?" he asks, obviously flirting.
Annoyed, I shift my attention to Harbin. "Should we leave now?"
He shakes his head and says, "Stay for a while, maybe you will see that in life, you have other choices."
I groan my frustration, especially when Klevon scoots towards me. I move away. Then he catches my shoulders and touches his sweaty body to mine. I flinch. I can smell him. Sun and sweat and iron. I try to take his hands off of me, but he didn't budge. Worse, he pulls my body closer to him.
I look at Harbin to ask for help, but he is focused on the way Brandon is giving instructions to the apprentice knights. I hear a sniffing smell. I look at Klevon. Shocked that he is trying to smell me. The pervert!
I hit his face, and he laughs. Then he catches my hand and licks my palm. A sense of disgust runs from my palm to everywhere in my body.
Then he whispers, "You like rough? Probably, some kind of pain amid pleasure?"
"Let go of me, you deviant!" I insult, which he answers with a guffaw.
"If the King throws you away, I would like to let you know that I accept werewolf rejects."
I am unable to stop myself when I land a deafening slap on Klevon's cheeks. He smirks as he touches his stinging cheeks. I glare at him. But instead of being angry, his features darken in desire, the same expression that Theo has.
I move away. Appalled and outraged at his behavior toward me. Suddenly, I hit a wall named Brandon. He glares at Klevon and says, "I warned you not to play around with her."
Then Brandon shifts his attention to Harbin. "And Harbin Dionne. I understand what you are doing. But please refrain from being too daring. People manipulation does not end well."
"I am not doing any manipulation. I am just making a point," Harbin answers.
"The kind that will anger our King. You know that." Then he shifts to Klevon again. "And you! Control yourself. Find another woman outside, if you must!"
As I watch them argue in my stead. I feel small. I feel weak and powerless. As if my life is not even in my hands. My heart aches even more. I didn't even notice when tears fall on my cheeks. Klevon is the first one who sees it. His expression changes from being rowdy and playful into that of worry. He removes Brandon's arms around him and is about to move closer to me when I take a step back.
Then, I run. Not knowing where to go, I find myself in the same gazebo in the garden that is made solely for me. I stare at the seats with blankets on them. Did Theo have this created for these kinds of moments? A place I can cry over when I need to?
I don't understand. I thought this place is different. Somewhere I can be truly comfortable. But the way I see it, it's not what I expected at all. My life may not be on the line, but my heart is. I thought that I don't need to think about my daily survival. But I am wrong. I still need to survive in a completely different jungle, than what I am used to.