Chapter 13 Yearning for him
Anna's P.O.V.
Next Day
I'm working in the cafe and my eyes are fixed at the door of the cafe. I think he'll not come now because I had insulted him badly last night but I should be happy if he is not there because that is what I wanted but why I'm feeling hurt and incomplete today.
I should stop thinking about him. He is not my type of guy. He wants something that I can't give him. So I'll not think about him. His chapter ends today.
I diverted my mind to the work from him. Then I noticed the corner empty seat where Ethan used to sit every day and gazed at me. I'm feeling upset to see that seat vacant today.
I ignored my feelings and started working again.
I won't think about him.
"Where are you lost, Anna? I called you so many times." Eve snapped her finger in front of me and I came out of my world.
What the fuck is happening to me?
Why I'm missing him badly? I was just attracted to him.
"Nowhere, Eve. Just working." I replied faintly.
"You work like this. You haven't even started the laptop. What happened to you, Anna? Are you fine?" She asked me concernedly.
"Eve, I'm fine. Don't worry, my caring best friend." I said and plastered a smile on my face.
I don't even have a mood to smile right now. I'm feeling so lost today. Why I'm feeling so hurt and incomplete without him, I'm not understanding.
Why my heart is aching today?
Oh, God! Why?
Why I'm missing his smile, his touch, his presence, his angry face, his eyes, the way he used to gaze at me. To be honest, I'm missing everything about him.
"You again got lost, Anna. I think you should go home and take some rest." She suggested me.
"You're right." I nodded at her.
It's better to go home because I'm feeling so lost today without him.
He didn't even come today but still, he's driving me crazy. He really has some kind of magic.
This man is impossible!
I reached home and the whole day he stayed in my mind. Suddenly I recalled the day when our eyes had met for the first time and when he had taken me to heaven by pleasuring me, I felt so incredible that night. Whenever I recall that night, every inch of my body craves for his touch.
"Go, Anna, insult him more. You wanted this only. Go to his home and insult him more, maybe you feel better." My heart shouted at me and I made a cry babyface.
I'm really not understanding why I'm thinking about him and feeling empty when I always wanted this only.
I should message him and say sorry to him for my behaviour because I don't want to lose him forever or else I'll go crazy.
I picked up my phone and messaged him on WhatsApp.
Me: I'm sorry for my behaviour. I was just upset yesterday. ??
Me: Where are you? ??
What only one tick? His net is off or he has blocked me?
Me: Why didn't you come to the cafe today? ??
Me: I was missing you. ??
Fuck! What I'm telling him everything.
What if he read my message, what will he think about me?
I hurriedly deleted all the messages except the first one and signed deeply.
I hope he hasn't blocked me and he is just offline.
Suddenly the bell rang and I jumped out of my bed, thinking Ethan is at the door. I rushed to open the like an excited kid.
But my lips drew down in sadness as I saw Eve on the door.
"How are you, Anna? You know that you can share anything with me." She said, placing her hand on my face.
"I know, Eve, but there is nothing really. I'm just not well. I have stomach pain and headache." I lied to her as I don't know what to tell her because I don't know why I'm upset.
"Did you take medicine?" She asked me concernedly, checking my fever by placing her hand over my forehead.
What I should tell you, Eve, because I'm myself not understanding what is happening to me.
"I have taken the medicine and now I'm going to sleep."
"Okay, go. I'm coming after getting fresh." I nodded and went to the bed.
I fell heavily on the bed and again checked the message. Still, there is only one tick. I started reading our old chat.
After being a Dom, he was calmly explaining to me that I'm thinking wrong about the BDSM relationship but I wasn't ready to listen to him. My hatred towards BDSM snatched him from me. Maybe I'm really wrong about BDSM, maybe BDSM is something more than just controlling and pain.
I slept, thinking about all this and him.
I woke up the next morning and the first thing I did is to check the message which I had sent to him last night. Still, there is only one tick.
Did he really block me?
I'm feeling like crying.
Maybe he is still offline and comes to meet me at the cafe today.
I hurriedly get ready, thinking he will come today but deep inside, I know he won't come now. Why he will come back again? Will he come to be get insulted again?
I reached the cafe with the hope that he would come but today also he didn't come. I kept checking his message and saw only one tick. I'm feeling so dejected.
I don't know why I'm feeling like that I lost everything. He was nothing to me. He was irritating me.
Really was he irritating me? Or I was irritating myself by avoiding him?
The truth is that I was frustrated because everything about him was affecting me and now his absence is affecting me even more.
Oh God! I'll lose my mind.
I should call him and talk to him.
I called him but his number is coming switched off. I became even more upset. I'm feeling like crying. I'm missing him badly. My eyes are longing to see his handsome face, my body is longing for his touch, my heart is craving for his presence.
When he was with me and running after me, why I didn't talk to him properly and calmly?
I did this because he is DOM and he wanted to make me his submissive.
If I had agreed, at least I wouldn't have gone through this and I wouldn't have regretted not even trying what he wanted from me.
I'm sure things would have been better than this if I had agreed to what he wanted because I'm going through mental torture every day when he isn't around me.
First, he was following me like a ghost and now he disappeared like smoke in the air.
Like this two days more passed and still, his phone is coming switched off. My condition is worsening because I'm missing him like hell and now I'm getting worried for him. I'm wondering where did he disappear all of sudden. I never thought that his absence would do this to me. If I had known, I would have never let him go by behaving so rudely with him.
I'll surely lose my mind if I don't meet him in a few days.
I'm having dinner with Eve and I'm thinking about how to ask her about Ethan. If I ask directly, she will flood me with lots of questions to which I have no answer.
"Eve, is everything alright with Dev?" I asked her about Dev, indirectly to know about Ethan.
"Yes, he is absolutely fine. What happened?" She asked, narrowing her brows confusedly.
I shook my head. "Nothing. I just asked."
Oh, God! How do I ask her about Ethan?
After a few minutes, I asked her, "How's his family and friends?"
"What happened to you? Ask me directly whatever you want to know, Anna."
Why can't she just simply answer me? I haven't even asked her about Ethan yet and her question session has already begun. What if I ask her about Ethan? I can't even imagine this.
"I'm done. I'm going." I left from there without eating dinner because firstly I wasn't feeling like eating and secondly Eve wasn't helping me out. She was making me sicker.
I shut the door and sat on the bed, holding my head. If Ethan wasn't alright, she would have told me. But why would she tell me about him?
Now how will I come to know that he is alright or not?
Ethan, why did you come to my life?
Your presence was affecting me, therefore I pushed you away but now your absence is killing me.
What to do? I'm going crazy.
I cried out.