Chapter 24
Matthew ran out. He gave her a call, as he ran.
He wanted to tell her that he was wrong, that he lied to her, that he regretted it, that he had always missed her, that he loved her, and that he loved only her.
A familiar female voice came from the mobile phone, "Sorry, the subscriber you dialed cannot be connected for the moment..."
Matthew felt anxious, and wanted to go to Room 614. He stepped on the accelerator when the car drove to the highway. He saw an ambulance drove in the other lane, with its sirens wailing. These two vehicles meet each other in opposite direction, and depart merging into the traffic, just like two people will no longer meet each other in the future.
After arriving at the residential area, Matthew went to the property management office and got a spare key.
On that day, he resolutely left, and forced himself not to look back, so he didn't carry with him a key.
He hurriedly took the key and left, regardless of the staff shouting, "Mr. Waylon! Mr. Waylon!"
He didn't hear. He had only one idea in his mind, "I must find her." He couldn't leave her anymore, he would explain it to her!
What Matthew did not expect was that the room was empty. Paisley was not there. All the furniture was carefully covered. It seemed that the sweeper cherished this place and did not want to let any dust fall on it. However, there was no trace of life in it, with everything being lifelessly new.
"Paise. Paise."
The empty room echoed with his voice. He seemed to hear her crying voice in those days.
She's gone, she's gone, she won't come back...
Matthew had an ominous premonition. His heart seemed to be hit hard by someone, and he felt suffocated by the pain.
"No, No." Matthew comforted himself. But he knew that her character made it difficult for him to see her again.
How could this happen? Just a few days later, she left. Matthew sat on the bed dejectedly and looked up to see the house property certificate and diamond-studded heart-shaped box on the table. There was also a ring.
Matthew took it to have a closer look. Yes, it was the ring he had put on her ring finger. It was a keepsake for them.
Now, she gave it back to him again. Matthew's heart ached. He saw an envelope on the desk. Written on the front were the words, "To Matthew."
Matthew opened the envelope. There were several papers, on which some words were vague, indicating that someone cried while writing the letter. The tears wet the letter. He opened the letter and read it.
Matthew, I love you.
You leave me here alone now. I don't want to admit it at all, but I still love you.
I don't know what happened. We have come to this point again.
These days, I always think that if we didn't meet at the beginning, we might both live a peaceful life. Especially, you might have a brilliant life.
However, it is the destiny for us to meet each other and torture each other.
At present, you're gone, and I can't find a reason to stay.
Matthew, I'll go to a place without you.
I think we can all live more easily without each other.
Before leaving, Matthew, I still want you to know something.
When I was 13 years old, my parents were divorced. My father became someone else's husband. My mother always wanted to get some news about my father through me, so she always let me go to him for living expenses. Every time I went to him, I felt humiliated, because I had to beg like a beggar in front of him who used to be my dearest person. I was also taunted and jeered at by my younger brother who was ignorant of worldly affairs. For him, I was like a poor relative to ask for money from the countryside.
Over time, all this humiliation turned into extreme hatred.
Finally one day, I wanted to kill myself and my brother by jumping off a building. But the little guy grabbed me and looked at me pitifully. He might know what I was going to do. I suddenly change my mind. I ran out, but I didn't know where I was going, so I walked along a road until it was dark. I came to the skating rink and saw you.
You were skating. You were like a breeze blowing into my dark corner. You didn't notice me, but I saw your whole body shining, and special earrings on your ears, which were very bright. Looking at you, I forgot the sadness I had experienced and gave up the idea of suicide.
Later, we met again unexpectedly. I never told you about this. I spotted you the moment I saw you.
Dawson said that you saved my life.
I always think you are different. I am eager for others to be good to me, and I am afraid that others are good to me. Only you, Matthew, no matter how good you are to me, I take it as a matter of course. Subconsciously, I feel you are different. You are different from anyone in my life, and you belong to me.
You say your name meant "honest" in Chinese and my name "promise". You say that I come to give you a promise of love. I believe it. What I haven't said is that our names together don't mean "promise", but "no promise".
I don't believe in fate and love, but I want to believe in you.
Matthew, I met you when I was 13 years old. We became friends when I was 18 years old. Now, we've come full circle and returned to our starting point.
For so many years, why do you think I have no feelings for you?
I used to live alone. It was you who saved me. There is only you in my life, illuminating me.
Matthew, your love is like a burning fire, and my love like a white rose. I hurt you, which is the way I love you. Your bright red is the only color of my gray life. I don't know how to love and I'm afraid you will leave. I want to hold you, but I'm afraid you will be hurt. So, I never say love.
I know that you hate me, you hate me all the time, you hate me for calling the police and putting you in prison, and you hate me for killing our child. But Matthew, I dreamed every night that my grandfather was lying on the cold floor, and nobody saved him.
Matthew, you know, nobody saved my grandfather. He died, he died like this.
Therefore, I can't forget all this and accept your love calmly.
All my happiness is away from me. My grandfather, who was killed by me, would look at me in the heaven.
Matthew's tears fell on the paper. Until now, she still refuses to tell the truth, and has to bear the blame for her mother's mistakes.
He knew that she hated him, so when he was in prison, he really managed to atone for his sins. He wanted to put his past behind him. He said to himself, "Let's give each other a chance." But, unexpectedly, she came to him and said something like that. He collapsed... They finally came to this point. He couldn't help crying, and tears fell on the paper. He thought, what is wrong? what is wrong?
At the beginning, when he was with her, he just wanted to love her and be nice to her, but why did all things change? All things went wrong.
Matthew, when you were in prison, I felt bad every day.
But I can't turn back. I grin and bear it. To tell the truth, every day I stay in Oakwood City, I think that one day you will come to me. I think it isn't over yet. I miss you so much. I believe you miss me, too. I believe you still remember me.
Mother scolded me for being stupid and naive, but I believed that you would come back to me!
You promised me that you would give me a promise.
My only worry was whether you would forgive me.
I had been waiting for three years without leaving the city for a day.
The day you came to me, it was snowing. When I saw you, I felt that the world changed from black and white to colorful. You came to me.
You don't know how happy I was to see you that day. I felt the life became wonderful. Actually, regardless of what happened, I would go with you.
I was afraid you wouldn't forgive me. I asked you again and again. You looked into my eyes, and I felt relieved again and again.
The moment we met again, I thought, could we stay together forever or would we part from each other soon?
The warmth in my life comes from you. When you come, I want to hold you tightly. When you leave, I don't urge you to stay.
I waited quietly in this room for three days. I thought a lot and shed all my tears in my life.
The happiest and saddest thing in my life is to meet you and lose you.
My greatest wish in my life is to be with you. I have no choice but to say goodbye to you. But all this has passed.
Sorry. There are many twists and turns, and we still can't be together.
Sorry. When I want to say I love you, you don't believe it.
Sorry. I disappoint you.
The letter papers were wet with tears. Matthew stood up shakily and almost couldn't stand.
He reached out and held the ring in his hand. He wanted to look for her and say that he was wrong, that he was not engaged to Stella, that he still missed her, and that he would beg her to stay with him and beg her to forgive him. If she does not forgive him, he will kneel down to her, and he will cling to her. Anyway, he has always been some kind of stalker in front of her.
He wants to find her, he must find her! He said to himself. However, a terrible thought came to his mind. His heart was pounding all the time. It hurt him very much. It seemed that there was an inexplicable voice in his ear saying, "She killed herself, she died..."
Matthew walked out unsteadily with the ring on his hand. He was still wearing suit which was worn on the day when he was engaged to her. The suit made him tall and straight, but his face was haggard.
As he walked, he wondered where she might go. He wanted to find her. He wanted to see her right away. Maybe she was in the company. Maybe she went to meet her mother. Maybe...
What he didn't know was that in the ambulance that passed by him just now, the doctor said while rescuing, "You should be mentally prepared. We didn't have high hopes, because she suffered such a serious injury."
Xu Huai'an sat down with a gloomy face, "Please, doctor, save her. My daughter is still young, she is less than 24 years old."
He remembered his daughter's birthday. It was a snowy day.
His wife's water broke suddenly. When he arrived at the hospital, the little baby was born, being beside her wife.
Mother and daughter were safe. Both of them were all sleeping peacefully. Xu Huai'an sat beside the bed and waited quietly. From time to time, he stood up and looked at the little baby's pink face. He still remembered that his wife woke up later, her face was a little white, but she smiled very gently, "Look, she is like you."
It turned out that he had forgotten so many things. Xu Huai'an looked at his daughter's pale face and could not remember her appearance when she was little. But when he looked carefully at her, he felt that her facial features were still very similar to his. Xu Huai'an wiped his tears, "Please, doctor, don't let my daughter die, save her."
While driving in the snow, Matthew frantically made calls and looked around for her.
Paisley lay silently in the ambulance.When you sleep, the world is quiet.
A week later.
Matthew sat in front of Dawson decadently. He seemed to be ten years older after these seven days and one could tell that he had been through many vicissitudes from his eyes.
He could not find Paisley. She resigned from her job. He found her broken cell phone and card in the trash can. No one knew where she had gone. He looked for her everywhere, going to every place she might go, but still couldn't find her. He called Madison. She hung up and said she had nothing to say to him. Later, he couldn't get through. He also asked her father for help, but her father only said, "Paisley has nothing to do with you."
For three days, he didn't sleep, and he nearly turned the city over for her.
He didn't know how many times he came to Dawson.
"She came to say goodbye to me and said she would leave Oakwood. I don't know where she went. Matthew, you and Ms. Tucker's engagement photo appeared in the newspaper. Why are you looking for Paisley?"
Matthew frowned painfully, "Dawson, I don't have time to explain. You believe me. I want to find Paise."
He searched everywhere, but couldn't find her. He had no choice but to go to Dawson who was her only friend in the city.
Dawson looked at him coldly, with his hands repeatedly clenching and loosening at the bottom of the table. He looked bad, his eyes being bloodshot, his eyebrows being wrinkled tightly. He used to be peaceful person, now he was angry. He looked at Matthew in disgust and said coldly, "I don't know."
"Dawson!" Matthew cried with pain, "Please tell me."
Dawson didn't want to talk to Matthew at all. He stood up and was about to leave. Matthew grabbed him and said with red-rimmed eyes, "Dawson, I'm wrong. I promise you that I will never hurt her again..."
Matthew almost fell to his knees. Dawson was unmoved and said coldly, "You can't hurt her anymore."
"What?" Matthew didn't understand.
With his eyes turning red, Dawson said slowly, "She is dead."
As soon as these three words were spoken, Dawson was almost breathless. She died, she died like this.
He once said to her, "You should get used to being hurt, and get used to getting along with the impermanence of the world." But this time, he could not accept it.
"How could it be?" Matthew stared, shook his head and took a step back. "Dawson, don't play such a joke."
How could Paise die? When he left, she was still fine. The letter she left him revealed her sadness, but there were no clues to suicide.
"I'm not kidding. She is dead. She is really dead."
Dawson threw the newspaper to him. The headline was about his engagement with Stella. In a few pages after the headline, there was a column called "Social News", in which a piece of news reported that a girl was pressed under a billboard, with the corner of her coat exposed.
Matthew became dizzy and almost fell down. He recognized the white coat, which was often worn by Paisley.
But this does not mean that the girl is Paisley. Matthew held the newspaper, opened his eyes wide, and mumbled to himself, "Impossible. This is not Paise."
How could Paise be dead? How could a person die without being seen for a few days? She was fine before. A few days ago, she was still fine. Impossible. This was impossible.
Matthew tightly held the newspaper and kept shaking his head, "It can't be true, I don't believe it!"
"I also want to tell you that it is not true." Dawson reddened his eyes and sobbed, "Since you said you loved her, why did you let her go?"
Matthew could not answer. He did not believe it and stumbled out.
He didn't believe it and he never could. She wasn't dead. His Paise wasn't dead.
There must be something wrong. He knew that place, which was located in a famous international school. Matthew drove crazily to that place where the accident occurred.
When he got off the car, it snowed again. All around him were girls in school uniforms. They were pleasantly surprised, shouting, "Ah, it's snowing." Several girls gossiped about him, "Look, that man is so strange."
Matthew stopped for a moment before he dared to walk over. An environmental sanitation worker was cleaning there.
Matthew didn't know how much courage he mustered before he asked, "Hello, did an accident happen here a week ago?"
The sanitation worker was an old man. He thought for a moment and then answered, "Are you talking about the girl killed by a falling billboard?"
Killed? Matthew's heart seemed to be hit hard by something. He felt giddy and almost fell down. He held the wall beside him.
"Yes, yes." The old man continued to say, like telling a piece of strange social news, "People of the whole street have seen it, and a reporter has come. How unsafe it is. On the road, billboards can fall down and kill people."
"Do you remember the girl's name?" Matthew felt that he was about to collapse.
"Let me think about it. They said that the girl's father was also there at that time. What was her name?" The old man thought for a long while and said, "I remember. Her name is Paisley. Her father called her Paise!"
As soon as the name was spoken, Matthew felt his world collapsed, and his heart seemed to be crushed.
The old man murmured, "Poor thing. She was a beautiful girl. She was so young. I heard that she died before she was sent to the hospital. She bled all over the ground. It also snowed that day, and it made the snow red. It took a long time for me to wash it off..."
Matthew could not hear what the old man said. He stood stupidly, his mind blank. The snow fell on his shoulder and melted into his clothes. He didn't feel cold. He only felt that the cold emanating from the bottom of his heart and the flying snow formed a cold world, freezing him.
He stood still. People came and went around him. Someone came and bumped into him carelessly. He was unconscious.
The man stopped, who was the property management staff. He was very happy to see Matthew and asked excitedly, "Mr. Waylon? Are you Mr. Waylon of Room 614?"
He said happily, "I've been looking for you. Ms. Logan, who was with you before, left you a message before leaving."
Matthew woke up with a start. He grabbed the staff's arm tightly, like the last straw of his life, "What did she say, what did Paise say?"
The staff's arm started to hurt a little. However, since he was young and interested in others' love affairs, he was rather happy to deliver the message. With his face being a little red, he said loudly, "She said..."
If Mr. Waylon asks if I have left any message, tell him I love him, I love him.
"I love you. I, Paisely Logan, love you."
The staff said so loudly that his face was hot. These three words really seemed to have magical power and made the heart warm.
But the staff saw the man in front of him, kneeling straight on the ground, with tears sliding from the corner of his eyes, one drop after another, finally bursting into a flood of tears.
I love you, I love you.
Matthew fell on his knees in the snow. The pedestrians around him looked at him curiously. Someone said, "Is he crazy?"
He looked like a crazy man, kneeling in the snow, sobbing with tears, "No, No. I don't believe it. She doesn't die. She doesn't die like this. She must still be alive..."
The world is white with snowflakes everywhere.
Some people cry, some people laugh, some people leave, some people stay, and some people don't come again.
The heavy snow kept falling, as if it would never stop, as if to bury this sad man with the whole world.
I finally lose you, but I never think I would really lose you.