When night comes and Theo still did not return, I feel the hole in my heart enlarge. It is so pronounced that I feel like my whole body is being devoured by it. Yet, there is no physical pain. It's all in my mind.
Meeghan also did not bother me. She might have thought that I need to rest after sex with the King.
All are nothing but lies.
I crouch on the bed. I want to cry, but the tears have long dried up, and even the swelling on my face has long been gone. Damn these werewolf abilities.
When the door opens, I sit up to see Theo striding toward me. Finally, he's here. Even if there is a tired look on his face. My heart takes another plunge. Is visiting me has become an exhausting activity for him? Is he bored with me already?
He takes a chair and sits in front of me. There is a grave look on his face. His hands are clasped together and his shoulders are drooping. Rather than a King, he looks like a picture of utter defeat.
"I wasn't able to ask this of you earlier because of the attack, but…"
He clenches his jaws again. The air is heavy. And I stay looking at him.
"For the sake of the Kingdom, I need to request something from you."
My heart thumps in my chest. Am I going to be thrown away now? I close my fist as I steel my chest. The other generals can't accept my existence, huh?
"Kaiya, I love you very much, but…"
There it is. He professes his love but with a condition. That's not love at all. It's as if he is trying to soften the blow.
"Can you find it in your heart to abort the child in you? We can make another child at a later time."
I take in air. A sense of cold water splashes over me like an avalanche. The pain is immediate, and when I notice that I am crying, it's too late. I can't breathe. Really, this mate bond is excruciating.
"Oh god, Kaiya, I-" he says.
I cover my face as tears stream down my face. So, he chooses his Kingdom over me and our child. I can't speak. I am hyperventilating. I need air. Oh goddess, Nowra, anyone! I don't know what to do.
The bed shifts. I smell lavender and other women's perfume before his arms wind around me. I jerk and push him sharply. He lets me go and almost falls on the bed, if not for the chair that supports his weight.
"Don't hold me!" I scream at him for the first time.
"Kaiya. This child is also hurting you. You've become weak, you-"
"An unborn child is hurting me?!" I ask. "Or is it all your general who is planning to kill me if I don't abort the child?!"
"Kaiya… Please, I don't enjoy arguing with you."
"Is that why you place those two soldiers as my guard?! And Meeghan too? Is it because your general is threatening your whore's life if she doesn't kill her own child?!"
He didn't respond. And my mind is racing. How could they be so cruel to ask a mother to abort her own child? And Theo is even asking that of me!
And then I weep. My body trembles in grief. This is too much. I have no one in this place. Not even my mate is on my side. Should I return to the park? No, I can't do that… My child won't survive. How about outside? I should reject the mate bond.
"I-"
Suddenly, my heart constricts. I grab it and my body falls onto the soft bed.
"Kaiya?" Theo asks, his voice laced with worry. "Kaiya!"
My heart hurts so much. I don't understand. And then I realize why. The mark. I can't reject the mate bond if I have just marked my mate. It needs time to expire. So, I can't leave this damnable place.
"Arggh…" I scream in pain.
This is worse than before. It's as if the moon goddess is punishing me for even trying to reject the mate bond after I have just marked him.
Wait… It was him! It was Theo who asked to be marked. My own mate fooled me.
"Oh god Kaiya, please tell me what's wrong," he hovers around me, uncertain on how to help.
I didn't respond. Instead, I bury myself on the sheet. Too painful, I can't breathe! I am sweating and crying profusely. I am drenching the sheets.
"I will call the physician!"
He leaves the room, and I am left alone with only the pain and breathlessness as my companion. Let it stop, oh please goddess, I will wait for five years. I will stay with my mate. I will keep his affection as much as I can. I will be submissive to my mate. So please, stop this pain. It will hurt my child, please.
Then, my body starts to bend and quiver, at the same time that a physician enters the room.
"She's burning," the physician says. "And she's on a seizure."
"Let me. I will calm her down," General Lorant's voice says. He whispers something and then the trembling in my body starts to die down. "Do it."
I feel a prick on my shoulders and my eyes feel heavy, and before long, I find myself dozing off.

********************
I open my eyes in the early morning light. My body feels numb and heavy. My hand automatically touches my belly. There's nothing different, so I'm sure the child is still there. The moon goddess is still allowing me to have my child.
I look around the room. Still the same sights, same lavender scent, and my mate–Theo. I shift my attention to the door and see him talking to someone. They are using hushed voices as if they don't want to disturb my sleep.
"I told you, this is too early for that."
"Pitchford Kingdom can't have an heir that comes from her. It-"
"Shut up! It will be her decision. Not on me, not on yours, and not on anyone!"
"Then you must let her go. You must discard her. It's the easiest way-"
The human at the other door stops as Theo reaches for his collar. And then, I see him. A small guy with black hair is staring into Theo's eyes. There's no fear in his expression. Then his eyes shift to me and say, "Your lady is awake, my King."
Theo pushes the guy out and then closes the door. He saunters toward me and kneels in front of the bed.
"Don't worry about that fuck-up general, Kaiya." He takes my hand and kisses the back of it. "It will be your decision."
However, I feel nothing anymore. What that general said no longer affects me. Rather, I've been hurt so much by my own mate that I don't think someone else can still hurt me.
He gazes at my face. "Kaiya, don't regret us, please," he whispers.
So, he knows. I wonder how much of my emotions can flow to him.
"And don't reject this mate bond."
I smile. As if I can do that. When I marked him, he sealed my fate with him for at least the next five years.
"Don't lie to me, my King," I whisper. Breathing is hard. "When you asked for the marking, you know what you are getting into. And you know what I am getting into."
A look of guilt passes through his face. His hands tighten on mine. "I only did that because I can't bear to lose you," he admits.
Even in this state? I want so much to withdraw my hands, but I know I must not. Why would I make my stay here unbearable when I can have his affections for around five more years?
"Kaiya, don't leave me… Please learn to love me beyond the mate bond."
I look at him. Beyond the mate bond? What is there to love, really? He is handsome and muscular. He is rich, strong, and powerful. But those are things that I don't care about.
I want a direct, honest man. He doesn't have to be as handsome as him, but I don't want to share him with anyone. I want a private life, away from other people's prying eyes. I want someone noble even if he's not rich. I want someone who treats people fairly. And those are qualities that he doesn't possess.
A look of terror passes through his features. He wraps his arms around me and buries his face in my chest.
"Kaiya, tell me what you want, and I will give it to you. Anything at all. Just stay with me."
"My King, you can't beg your whore like this. It should be the other way around."
"I am not your king, and you are not my whore."
"Theo, you should be asking me things so I can win your favor."
"I've always been consistent with what I want, Kaiya. I want your love beyond the mate bond."
"I can give you that," I whisper, even if it's a lie. Besides, he is also lying to me. So, we'll be a couple who do nothing but lie to each other. Only five years, I just need that much time.