When my eyes opened, I became instantly aware that I lost my child. Meeghan is beside me and when she sees that I am awake, she runs towards the door and tells the guard.
She is still telling them when I shift my attention to the window. The sun is high up. Maybe, it's mid-afternoon or lunch? I wonder how long I slept? And this room, I am still in Theo's room.
I sit up from the bed, expecting pain, but there is only the discomfort due to lying a long time in bed. I smirk as I lean on the headboard. It's my werewolf genes again. I just hope that I feel the pain of losing my child longer. Even when I lost my child, the pain is negligible that I didn't even detect it, until I notice Meeghan's look of terror as she stares at my skirt with the splotches of blood.
I hear the rush of feet by the door and towards my bed. And I smell lavender even before Theo gathers me up into an embrace. I didn't respond. I am not angry. Rather, I feel numb more than ever. Maybe, my heart has become too exhausted that it finally chooses to shut down.
Theo lifts my chin and looks into my eyes. I meet his eyes. His, is a look of worry, and mine is nonchalance. I don't care anymore. He pulls back from me and reaches for my hand.
He squeezes it and says, "You already know, right? That you lost the child?"
'The child'? It's also his child and yet, until now, he refuses to acknowledge 'our' child. I snort.
"Does it make you happy and relieved, my King?" I ask.
He blinks. "I am happy and relieved you are awake. You've been sleeping for a week."
He knows I am not referring to that, and yet, he chooses to evade the topic. Gaining the courage, besides I will lose nothing anymore, I say, "I mean 'our' child, my King," emphasizing that the child is ours. "You also lost your child. So, are you finally relieved of the result? My child will no longer be your firstborn."
"Kaiya, we can always make another. I-"
I slap his hand away. "What makes you think I will want to create another with you?" I ask calmly. The pain and anger resurface again. How I wish I can break this mate bond with him.
Theo clenches his jaw as he watches me. He purses his lips and his fists tighten into a ball. "Please, understand that I am a King. I already explained that I need a human child as an heir. It's not my fault, Kaiya. Don't punish me for losing our child."
"Ha!" I sneer at him. "And whose fault is it? Is it mine? Is it because I was hysterical and can't handle that you are a King?"
"Oh god, Kaiya. If you need me to apologize, I will. If you want me to kneel before you, just tell me. Anything, just don't-"
"You said it yourself, you are a King. I can't force a King to kneel before a whore who stupidly lost her child because she allows her emotion to get the better of her."
"My dear Kaiya…"
He is about to hug me when I evade him. "Go away," I say even if I know that it's unwise. "Leave me," even if this is his room.
"I am sorry, Kaiya. Please, I know you are angry now, but I-"
"Leave!" I growl at him.
The old physician taps his shoulders and shakes his head. Without a choice, Theo gets up from the chair and leaves his own room. The physician and Meeghan exit the room with him.
And I lean on the headboard. Reviewing what I've been doing for the past few months since I left the island. I completely let the mate bond take over my life, huh? I completely lost control of this magic and pull toward him.

****************
My room fills up with flowers and gifts from Theo. My room, because I already left his room. Every time he insists, I threaten him and even make him guilty. It's been three months since then.
I shift on the windowsill and cover my feet with my skirt. I hug my knees to my chest and look outside. It is a nice day, perfect for taking walks in the garden, but I am not in the mood. I haven't been in the mood for anything except for books. Conversation tires me. I lost my appetite and if not for Meeghan, I had already turned into a grungy wild girl.
Someone knocks and I turn to the door to see Meeghan, holding a bouquet of flowers and a box.
.
"Miss Kaiya, another gift is sent to you by the King," Meeghan says.
"Just leave it at the same place," I say.
"But these are very expensive tea and it's-"
"Just leave it where it belongs!"
I hope I can say that it belongs to the trash, but I can't do that. I don't want to rile him up so much, that he will start to think about hurting me. I snort. Why should I care if he kills me? I don't feel like living anyway.
Meeghan places the box of tea in the corner of my room, where the boxes of gifts start to create a barricade. Gifts with the same message-that is, he is sorry for causing me grief.
Then she pauses and takes the box of tea again. She turns towards me and says, "Harbin is inviting you for tea in the garden. Maybe you can use it?"
"No," I reject.
I look away. Harbin has been reaching out to me as well. He visits me and brings me new books, but he leaves just as quickly because of my reluctance to talk to him. Besides, they are all the same. They think that a dead unborn child is something so small of an event, that everything goes back to normal. He doesn't even have a tomb.
Right, it's not only Harbin, Theo has been coming every morning and every night. But I dismiss him as quickly as he arrives.
"Miss, the King is here again to visit you. He's asking how you are doing."
"Tell him that I am doing fine and I would like to receive him, but I am very busy right now."
Meeghan leaves again. The door bursts open but I know it's just Theo, probably his patience has run dry. Am I going to get killed? Ha! I don't care, dying in the hands of my mate is better. So, I continue to look outside. Some people are walking outside. The sound of their laughter is reaching my room. A happy feeling. Something that I have forgotten.
I sense someone on my side. I shift my attention back to the room and see Theo kneeling before me. I hear Meeghan gasp and immediately leave the room.
I clench my jaws as I look at the sad, forlorn form of my mate. His head is bowing before me and his arms are on the ground.
"Kaiya, I beg you. Will you please forgive me?"
He is not looking at me. I sigh and look away. I did not respond, rather I continue watching the activities outside my window.
"Kaiya, please talk to me. I miss you."
I snort. I will guess what else he misses, me in his bed, writhing in pleasure with this damnable mate bond.
I hear something slamming on the floor. I return my attention to him and see that he is kowtowing in front of me. I sniff. Lavender and my mate's blood. My instinct growls against me. But I know that he learned from someone how the smell of our mate's blood affects us.
"Kaiya, please…"
His voice is trembling, begging. My instincts shout at me to pull my mate up and comfort him. To give myself up to him again. Then, I will suffer from those series of excruciating pain again. I don't want that. No more of this.
"Leave, my King. I am not in the mood to talk."
"Come back to me, please. For all the pain I've caused you, I am sorry. Talk to me. That's all I want."
That's what he wants for the meantime, right? Soon, he will ask for more. Things I will not be able to provide. I can even guess each of them. Besides, Meeghan mentioned that a couple of women in his harem has become pregnant. And I am guessing, he might have hurt each of them, so he can feel pleasure himself. A person like that, I don't even want to imagine, what else he can do.
"Please, I don't want this disconnect to pester between us," he says, his head still touching the floor.
"We never had a connection to begin with, my King."
Theo freezes on the floor. After a few seconds of not speaking, he looks up at me. For the past few days, I've only seen him with these emotions on his face. Pain. Unease. Regret. Fear. And my instincts growl at me for somehow causing this, but I shut it up. I can still remember how animalistic he looks as he fucks Coe while hurting her. And his request to abort our child. I don't think I can ever forgive him.
"Kaiya, in your heart, have you ever loved me the same way that I always love you?" he whispers.
Love? I want to spit that to him. Yet, this picture of defeat and humility stops me from glaring at him. He is still kneeling before me. His eyes are peering up at me.
Instead, I close the book that I am reading. "I am not sure, what you are asking, my King. As far as I am concerned, we only have the mate bond. There's nothing beyond that."
I jump from the windowsill and walk away from him.
"Meeghan," I call. "I think this is the perfect time to take a walk in the garden."
"But Miss Kaiya… The King…" she says, uncertain.
I look at Theo. He is still kneeling before the windowsill that I vacated. He is unmoving as if he'd been rooted at that same spot.
"Don't worry about the King, he will soon leave," I say.
I walk past Meeghan. If she won't follow me then I will walk the gardens alone. Besides, if Theo ever decides to fight back, I don't want her to get caught up in the crossfire. Especially when I am at the point of my life where I don't care what happens to me anymore.