"Drink! Drink! Drink!" is the chant of the people at the bar where Silvino works.
Ami holds a pitcher of alcohol and chugs down its alcoholic content. When she empties the pitcher, I clap with the others.
"To my friend, Kaiya!" she slurs. "I will chug another for you."
Unsteadily, she leans towards me and whispers, "I know you are not allowed to drink so I will do it instead."
I smile at her and she adds, "For you!"
"You just want to drink more," Nadif comments which Ami answers with a bright smile.
"You got it right!" she admits while beaming at him.
She heavily sits beside me and says, "To my friend, turned to best friend, who can't even drink a glass of alcohol, I feel bad for you."
"What's happening now?" Silvino asks as he walks towards our table.
"My handsome lover~~" Ami coos. She stands up and wraps her arms around his waist. "What time will you be out?"
"I can play with you now," he says. He places his arms around her and adds, "One room is freed up so the five of us can use that up." He is referring to me, Ami, Nadif, and Elroy.
"How about me then?" a baritone voice says. It is Klevon. He is leaning over the couch and is looking at Silvino. "You should also invite me to these types of gatherings."
"Captain Klevon!" Ami squeals. "I thought you will be with the Duran royalty for three days?"
"I am just a Pitchford captain," he humbly says, even when all of us know he is an Owusu nobility.
Silvino ushers us to another room within the bar. It is more grandiose this time, so we thanked him for using his employee discount to get us a good room.
I sit at the cornermost part of the long couch–away from Ami because I know that Silvino and her won't be able to stop themselves but kiss and touch.
And if I see them like that, all I will think about is Theo with Kissa. It's nighttime now, so I am pretty sure that those two are in it again. Just imagining it and my chest constricts. I didn't even realize that I am already grabbing a glass of alcohol and emptying it in one go.
"Whoa!" Klevon exclaims.
I shift my attention to him. Another thing that I didn't notice. I thought I am sitting far from everyone. But here is Klevon, sitting so close to me.
"What do you want?!" I snap at him.
"I remember Ami telling me that you are a bad drunk."
I shift my attention to Ami who, as I expected, is kissing Silvino with their limbs entangled with each other. She is even sitting on his lap without a care in the world!
"You can't disturb her right now. She's busy," Klevon says grinning. The asshole even opens his arms and says, "Come. Let's mimic what they are doing."
I roll my eyes at him. I am about to take another glass of alcohol when he stops me. I take my hands away but his grip only tightens.
"Unhand me," I say. "I won't drink anymore."
Instead of obeying, he takes my hand and places a kiss on the back of it. His eyes focused on my face and asks, "Kaiya, have you ever considered transferring your affection to someone else?"
I sharply pull away. "If I did, it won't definitely be you."
"Why?" he asks, scooting closer to me. "He may be more handsome, but I know how to please women. I will be exclusive to you as well. With me, I promise that I will do my best not to hurt you like this."
"I am not hurting," I say. "And I don't like you."
"You don't like me, or you don't desire me because of the mate bond?"
"There's no difference," I answer and look away.
"I think that you are just too in love with him. I wonder… without the mate bond, will your affections stay? Will it not waver?"
I frown at him, and taking it as an answer, he says, "I can't believe you are such a masochist."
"I am not!"
"Well, you are. It's clear that he is hurting and manipulating you. And now, you are back with him, because what? He touches you again? Gives you stolen time again? You know exactly where you stand with a King like him and yet you-"
I slap him and yet, I can't say anything to him. It's all true. I am aware of it.
He looks at me, but instead of being angry, he smirks, "Kaiya, your relationship with him is toxic. And you are like a good puppy wagging your tail for just a morsel of his attention even after the abuse you suffered."
"You know nothing about us!"
"You even broke once and lost your child. And now, you are back with him as if nothing happened-"
In anger, I ram myself against him. We fall on the floor and I straddle him. Glasses and utensils fall on us but I didn't care. I wrap my fingers around his neck. But instead of being afraid, he is relaxed under me-as if I don't present any danger to him. If I shift my head, I can bite at his neck so he will stop saying all these hurtful things.
He grabs my wrist, but that's all he did. He didn't push me away and my fingers tighten around his neck. I can hear the others asking me to stop, but my focus is on him. And I realize, I don't hate him, not really. I hate myself more because he is right. I am back to where Theo and I started. I will be cold to him for a while, but then, the mate bond will seize control of me, and I will be back in his arms.
Even this morning, I allowed him to kiss and touch me, and I enjoyed every moment of it. I am nothing but a King's whore and his plaything. And I may be angry with him, but I know that soon, I will find myself in his bed again, enjoying his every kiss and touch, until it pushes me to the edge of madness.
Klevon blinks as my tears fall on his face. From a look of smugness, his expression changes to that of pity, the same one that Ami showed me earlier during the parade.
And so, my fingers loosen around his neck, until I remove them completely and cover my face. I weep with my tears spilling out between my fingers. I am breaking down again, but this time, with people around me. How many times should I break down until I realize that this suffering is already enough?
I sense Klevon sitting up and wrapping his arms around my shivering form. "Shhh," he mutters. "You are just too in love with Theo. And even if he has other women, you can't take your eyes off him. You've been too smitten with him."
"I am not…" I say against his chest even if I know that no one would believe that outright lie. "Like him, I can fuck anyone I like."
Klevon laughs as he continues to massage my back. But it is a soft laugh. It is a laugh of bitterness rather than of insult.
"If that were true, then use me. Fuck me first. If that would endanger our life, then we can both run away."
I freeze and dark images fill my thoughts. I grab his shirt and realize I am sitting in his lap, with his arms around me.
I look up at him and say, "Okay."
He cocks his head at me. If I will be with another man, will this longing for Theo disappear? Every time he's with another woman, I will tell myself that I've been with another man, so we are similar. Will I learn how to unlove him? And then, when the time comes, I can completely break the mate bond?
"What did you say?" Klevon asks.
"I said okay." I reach for him and cup his face. "I will take you up on your offer and fuck you."
He frowns at first, but then amusement alights in his eyes, followed by a smirk. "Don't tempt me, Kaiya. You know I will agree to it even if I know you are not prepared for cheating."
"It's not cheating. Theo and I have no label. I am just his whore and whores can have any number of men."
"Whoa! Stop right there, if we will do this, I don't want any additional man."
"Why would you even request that? You just said to use you. So, I won't make any promises to you. If I don't enjoy it, it will be our last."
"Ha! So you want to do to me what Theo has been doing to you."
"You don't want to be used by me?"
A grin spread across his face. "I won't say that I don't like it…" He trails his fingers on my cheeks and adds, "But Kaiya, whatever you are proposing, I don't think you can do it. You are not like my King."