I scrunch my nose as I enter Theo's room-lavender mixed with alcohol. The windows are closed and there are over a dozen bottles of alcohol on the coffee table. Princess Kissa is not here. Theo is leaning over the couch with his arms covering his eyes.
"Harbin, I said don't nag me," he says. "I want to be alone, unless you can force her to come see me, then don't come here." He laughs bitterly by himself. "That is, if you can drag her to me because lately, that's the only way she will see me other than to perform her duties to me."
He laughs again, and then, he abruptly stops and keeps silent. General Brandon and I look at each other.
"Laquisha can work too, King Theo," General Brandon says.
I approach him. Theo looks… ragged. He snorts. "Then, I should have a thousand of those made. Do you think you can make that happen, General Brandon?"
"A bow and arrow made of laquisha are already enough," I say. "I don't need a thousand of laquisha."
Theo freezes and he removes his arm over his eyes. He looks at me as if I am nothing but an apparition. Conscious of the way he looks at me, I glance at the empty bottles and then at General Brandon who is leaving the room.
I turn my attention back to Theo. "I didn't know you had a drinking problem," I say. His eyes are never leaving my face.
"Only when I feel the need to," he responds.
I move to the window and open it. Letting both the smell of lavender and alcohol leave the room. Activating my magic, I let the night air into the room.
"And what need is that?" I ask. I move to the table and start to collect the empty bottles.
"Every time I realize that I have lost your love. Lately, you look at me with disgust."
My hands pause for a while, and I stop myself from turning toward him. To hide my surprise, I force a smile and continue cleaning up the table.
"You are my King. I won't look at you like that. Not with disgust. And not with love."
I walk towards the door. His gaze follows me. I open it and place the bottles outside. His eyes even follow me when I return to the table and proceed to carry the other bottles outside.
No longer able to handle his stares, I ask, "What is it?"
I look up at him and he seems surprised that I even ask him. "Nothing, it's just…"
"It's just what?"
"I don't know what to say. You being here is…"
I look away and start to aggressively wipe the coffee table-and even that, he watches.
"Stop staring at me!" I snap at him.
He looks taken aback and my heart hurts at the way he is now-confused and ready to break. He did not respond. While my heart is breaking in his state, he just sits there and continues to watch.
I click my tongue and go to his cabinet instead. I take fresh clothes and a wet towel. He looks at me with hope while I stand before him.
"Give me some space. You are sweaty. I can smell you even by the door."
"Don't I smell like lavender to you?"
I push at his back and the way he hunches shatters me again. I take his shirt off and he sits as still as possible. He cowers from me as if I am abusing him.
I rub his back and his arms. And when I ask him to turn towards me so I can wipe his front, I try not to look at his face, in fear that I will lose control and pepper him with kisses instead.
"Kaiya, I still love you," he whispers. My hands freeze again and I glare at him. "The way you look at me now. The way you treat me as if I am nothing but dirt. And yet, my heart still burns for you."
He squeezes my hands and leans his forehead on my shoulder. "It burns for you ever since I was a teenager and it will never stop until I become old."
My heart shatters. I am about to wrap my arms around him when I pause. Instead of embracing my mate, which is what we both need at this moment, I pull away from him. I take his fresh clothes and help him wear them.
"I am early for my duty, my King. But I will stay here until the morrow." I switch my eyes at his dejected face and the bed. "Would you like to sleep on the bed or on the couch?"
"Wherever is good," he answers.
"Okay, then-"
"As long as you are close to me."
I scowl at him, but he continues to stare. "The bed then," I say. "I can't carry you."
He stands up, a little unsteady, and walks to his bed. He lies quietly on it and I sit on the floor with my back against the bed.
"I hope this proximity is okay?" I ask.
He nods and lies on his side. Then he opens his palm. "Your hand," he asks.
I turn to face him. I lean my head on my left arm. He looks like a little child who is about to cry. And so, I place my right hand in his. He squeezes them and places a kiss on my fingers.
"This is good enough," he whispers and closes his eyes.
And I stay awake watching him for hours. He did fall asleep with one of my hands enveloped in his. I know what he is doing. When I was breaking and before I lost my child, I had done it before. I tried to get his attention back then, just like what he was doing now. In that case, aren't we too similar? If I know how painful it is to be in this state, shouldn't I be a little kinder to him?
I sigh and lean my head on my hand. He is gripping my hand too tight, as if I will disappear if he loosens his hold a little. To reduce a king to this state, am I being too cruel to him?
But is cruel the correct word? I am just protecting myself from his kisses and caresses, right? Because if I let him, I will want more from him again, and then it will be a barrage of chaotic emotions. Something that we are both not ready for.


**************************
I try to keep awake as much as possible, but with the alcohol in my system, and the coziness of Theo's bed, I find myself waking up from a quick nap, only to find Theo still sleeping soundly.
I rub my eyes and scratch my head. I turn my attention to the door. Someone is knocking. The door opens and Princess Kissa comes in. She has taken a bath and is looking exquisite in her yellow dress. Servants also enter and place breakfast at the coffee table.
"So, you stayed all night with him," she observes. She scrunches her nose even if the smell of the alcohol is almost negligible. She should have entered last night. It was suffocating.
Then, her eyes go to my hands, which are enveloped in Theo's. "You made up already?" she queries.
I snatch my hand away, and Theo automatically opens his eyes. "Kaiya," he whispers. There is happiness in his eyes as he gazes at me. "You stayed."
"It is still within my shift, my King."
I look away from him and gesture for him to look at the breakfast and the tub of water that's being prepared by other servants.
"Will you stay a bit more?" he asks.
"In a few minutes, my shift to guard you will end."
"Oh, you need to rest." He sits and massages his head. "I think I have a hang-over," he comments.
"I prepared a tea for hangovers, my King."
He shifts his attention to the princess. "Kissa, what are you doing here so early?"
She flinches and the servants glance at us with curiosity.
"It's for breakfast, King Theo," I answer for her.
He looks at me. His eyes are still unfocused. He is about to touch my cheeks when I pull back. "Maybe you'd like to take a bath first?"
"Will you help me?" he asks.
"Princess Kissa is here. Maybe she can help you with it instead. Besides, it will be soon off my hours."
I stand up from the bed and bow at Princess Kissa before exiting Theo's room. "Good day, Princess," I greet and then left the King's room.